I can want her to have control but hope that she sees the value in our marriage. I don't want to manipulate her into staying in this marriage... I want her to want to be in the marriage. I'm not giving her space to manipulate her. I mean I realize that not doing something is still doing something but so is doing anything. Whatever I do it will influence her decision but that doesn't mean that I don't want her to decide for herself that she wants to be with me.
You've got to get caught up man; she's way, way ahead of you. I'm gonna re-write your post in the form of questions and you answer them truthfully.
1. Forget about control: how much value does she see in the marriage?
2. Forget about manipulation; does she want to be in the marriage?
3. Do you really believe anything YOU do will influence her decision. Let me answer that one: No - how she feels will probably be the strongest factor.
4. What do you think will make her decide she wants to be with you, since she has apparently already decided she doesnt? See answer to #3 above.
You must become a person she wants to be with and connect with by NEW or uncovering long buried FEELINGS.
Give her time, space and become that person, and if she doesn't come back, it'll be her loss and some other hot babe's gain.
Look we all want to go back to the days when we were happily married - BUT THERE IS NO TURNING BACK - GOT TO MOVE FORWARD NOW. (That does not mean giving up hope; it means life is short, so live.)
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
