last night as upset as i was i still slept in our bed with H you could have drove a truck between the space btween us but i know it is for the best, i only slept in the bed as i have said to him in the past even if we argue we should still sleep in the same bed unless things are really that bad, i understand now how this is dumb.
this morning although still very upset and very tired from crying all night and my D2 waking up early i decided to put my game face on tidy up the things from last night, go out to pay bills and come back just in time for H to go to work therefore not having to deal with at all....this was all going to plan except he did not lave for work ontime he hovered and left out 20mins late, as he was at home and i could tll he was not ready to leave i decided to stay out of his way and stayed in D2 room, H popped his head around the door and just looked eventually i said whats up, he said something but i wasnt listing and he was walking away as he spoke, 5mins later he comes into the room and asks why am i in D2 room, i tell hm because i dont want a confrontation this morning, he says fine whatever and leaves then he shouts this is not what i want i dont want yu to ignore me and not be around me, i get up and look at him put cant say anything and ask him if he is finished in the bathroom were i then busy myself in the bathroom and get D2 dressed, in this time he gets his things togther says 'see you later' and goes to work....i feel relieved!
i plan to detatch and expect nothing from him i plan to 'act as if' we are no longer together and ignor him unless i dont have too i plan to continue doing tings in the house and pay the bills as normal i plan to buy some new books so that i can be reading whilst being in the same room as him i plan to get some anti-depressants (again)to help my moods i plan to stay focused on being the best mom i can be as my daughter is my only reason for living right now:0)
