Working on acceptance and forgiveness

[AntoniaB]

Just reflecting on the interaction with H. After he left, he sent me a text message saying it was good to talk to me and to take care and let me know what he could do about the sick cat.

I feel like in the end, I'm glad my sister intervened. It sort of forced this discussion btwn me and STBXH and I think both of us learned a lot in the conversation. Especially me. I feel a lot more centered now and peaceful about everything and feel that the OW had a lot less to do with us than I thought.

I don't derive false hope from this meeting. I asked him if we could hug when he left. I wanted to test myself. See if still felt attached to him/loved him. It was a very long hug--the only one that I've felt real emotion from him in 7 months. I learned onoe thing from it: I love him just as deeply as ever. I can't deny it. But I also know that it's over. It's all over. And because of that, I'm not going to start resurrecting communication with him. I'm still going to keep it to essential stuff only. The only difference is that I think this time around he'll be a little nicer in the way he talks to me than before, but I know it doesn't mean anything.

To be honest, I think it's going to take me years to stop loving him this deeply. I guess I have to just live with that. There is no way to just get rid of it. Not seeing a person for months doesn't make it go away.