H feels distant, my guess is the financial fiasco he can't get ahead of and being a proud stubborn man that needs help isn't easy for him. It's not my job to 'rush in to save the day', I have to remember that while he was out splurging and planning his escape to fantasy land I was working on how to save my place and what I love. So if H is part of what I love, I can't understand how to balance baling him out without sacrificing myself. It doesn't feel right to 'fix it' while he still has not or cannot make a full reconnection with me.
Final national points are tallied for the shows I attended, I finished reserve champ in 3 events, Top 5 in two more, and 3rd in the nation for Overall. I know that's good and I am very proud of my mare, but I can't help still feeling defeated. If I had just done this or that or one more show or another event or...... Now it's just what H calls it, 2nd place loser. Guess I should put a R or L in front of WCW. Reserve World Champion Wife or Loser World Champion Wife.
I just need to shake this drag-me-down cold and get some solar energy and readjust my attitude. phooeeyy.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
