d3l1ghts - I'm really sorry to hear how tough the past few days have been on you and can only imagine how you feel right now.
I too am very new here so take anything I say with a grain of salt.
When my W dropped the D bomb on me I reacted the same way as you describe. I cried, pleaded, etc. It is totally understandable that you did that - it may have been the worst news in your entire life. I know it felt that way for me. How you reacted today does not need to dictate how you act or react tomorrow however. You still have the opportunity to 180 and be a better person for yourself and those around you. Easier said than done - believe me I know. Being cheerful and upbeat is going to be the hardest thing you do but it is so necessary. Positive people are infectious and a pleasure to be around. Debbie Downer however - nobody wants to be around her. I find myself doing all sorts of things to keep positivity going when it wanes. If I'm alone sometimes I'll cry because I just need to and want to get it out.
Now I don't know your husband but I do know when emotions run high we sometimes say things that we really don't mean. Again I don't know your husband but I know I've done it. When my wife dropped the D bomb on me I told her our time together was a waste and that I lost 8 years of my life. It is how I felt at that exact moment but isn't how I actually feel overall if that makes sense.
Sorry I don't have any real advice for you. If I was there I'd give you a hug - god knows I need one and my wife isn't going to give me one anytime soon! Hope things improve for you.
