Ready to give up

[blue2010]

My understanding is we confronted the affair partners. (We did not expose to family and friends.) I confronted her. Told her what I had for evidence and what I knew, she did not deny it. The confrontation conversation lasted about a half hour. Just so you have most of the story, OM packed his stuff said he was never coming back.
Next night New Years Eve. During that morning OM confessed to his Mom, Then he went to Lawyer and filed harassment order paperwork against my whole family. Dropped it Monday is suppossed to put back in Place against my W she has been the one to restart contact. He got really drunk New Years eve threatened suicide, apparently said some vicious things to my W which he was so Drunk he doesn't remember. That was their last contact we know of.

Since then: we have had about 4 R conversations started by her. I active listened, I validated when appropriate. If she got way off base I stood my ground. She stayed at her sisters for 2 nights after confrontation she had already planned to be there she called to talk to kids I was pleasant. Saturday she was going to sleep in her van she ended up coming home (3rd shift work) She would not look at me went to bed. I have been nice. I have allowed her to vent, lots of complaining about the M. I continue to try to improve myself around the house. And have stopped waiting on her to do things like take all the kids out. I now call a relative if I need two adults. I am also attending a divorce cares class which she knows about since she filed i do not want to be unprepared.

We had an MC appointment yesterday which was more like divorce counciling. I basically had to force MC to even discuss that it is possible to recover because my W's focus was on seperation and divorce. My w actually answered the question directly : Are you done with this M? Yes....then she started crying.I wanted to discuss the other side of the coin.
I am not pursuing her. I saw my IC yesterday and he ordered no R conversations and blame him if I have to. No seperation conversations about budget without third party.
He also thinks we should consider a 6-12 month seperation.
So I have simply been trying to treat her as a friend not do the things she has complained about me doing . i have offered being there for her to talk to she complained she had noone to talk to and at some point we stopped being friend and she became just my wife.. I am the primary caregiver and only work part time due to an early retirement I have a full income.Sorry so long but maybe that gives a more thorough perspective.