Having a really hard time...

[ericmsant2]

What

i have been feeling so betrayed lately

Feeling betrayed is normal dude. It is what YOU do with these feelings that are important. Let them CONTROL YOU or YOU CONTROL THEM. You choose.

i don't want to keep working on something that is gone

Define “gone”. If you saying that you want YOUR OLD M back and that your fear is that it is gone…well then it is a valid fear, cause honestly dude, think about it. Do you really want your OLD M back? I mean really. Now a new R or M with your W, one that has reestablished trust, one that has open communication…well I think that is what we all strive for.

it is my fear that is driving me.

It usually drives all of us…that is until we learn to face it. Guess what? That my friend takes time….but it time that you really have. So stop thinking about tomorrow and start living in the moment.

She is acting so cold toward my family and I think that a big part of it is her Mother's influence so that is frustrating me a lot.

DB101 – change your mind set or how you look at things. Yeah she’s cold towards you BUT it could be worse, you could be coming home and finding another dude in your bed and eating your food. Oh, do you expect her not to be cold? Com’on dude, she gonna be cold. Man up and just focus on you.
In terms of her Mother’s influence….is she her own women or a follower? Actually don’t answer that…a whole complete person makes their own choices. Take you for example…are you choosing the stand for your M because I said so or because YOU want to? Hmmmm….

I just get super anxious thinking about the actual divorce

When you finally accept that YOU do not CONTROL what she does…you will fell less anxious.

On the one hand I want it to be over so that she can start to deal with the reality of what we are doing but on the other hand I hope that she could slow down and take a step back to really think about what she wants to do.

Oh….your at the stage of “yeah I want you see b*tch what this means”….Hmmm…I’ve been there. Guess what, you push buddy and you will find out just how much she is serious about what she CHOOSES to do. Do you think you can change her? Do you think that your words or…(I hope you are sitting down) manipulative actions can make her see the light? Think again. Only YOUR ACTIONS can make her see what she CHOOSES to see.

But she keeps saying things like I don't love her, I love my version of her... or that we were more like roommates than husband and wife.

Well did you love her? If you did….maybe you did not show it to her in a manner that she needed to receive or better yet, could receive it. Have you given some thought to YOUR role in this?

I offered to give her everything because I don't want it.

Bullchit! You offered to give her everything because you think that she will see you in a different light. You offered to give her everything because you are afraid that you have lost her. Think about your answer – not for me for you.

I'm not getting a lawyer

My friend said to me a while…Did I tell you he is now homeless?
Oh and Mr. Bond is giving you some solid advice. Me…I’m not gonna tell you to fight for your M. You either love her enough to give it your all or ya don’t. No guarantee that your M get saved…but you get saved…ahh…that my friend is another story.

Maybe I'm doing it all wrong but it seems like every time I fight with her over anything it just pushes her away so my 180 was to just concede to her that she is in control and can split things up according to her conscience.

Wuss – your gonna concede and just hand over control? Hmm…what is control to YOU? Cause in my book giving her all the space she needs but standing firm in what YOU BELIEVE in is not control. You on the other hand are trying to control her by giving her control. It is manipulative…cause deep down inside you know you do not want her to have control.

Saving your M is the most honorable thing to do regardless of the outcome. And regardless of the next R you can never start fresh because you'll have learned the insecurities caused by your first one.

As I said above Mr. Bond is giving you some good advice. Read your thread again.

In closing I leave you with this….

Your afraid, your scared that all of your control issues will be brought to light, your afraid to look inside yourself, your afraid and the easy thing to do is run. What I can tell is this….

Do want you want to do for YOU. You love her, then honestly dude stand in front of a mirror with no one around ….look yourself in the eye and ask yourself one question…..

“Did I give it EVERYTHING I HAD or AM I just afraid”.

The answer is for YOU.

God Bless,
Eric