DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support.

[ScaredinCanada]

Just a little clarification on Validating your WAS.

Never say "I'm sorry you feel that way". You are apologizing for the way someone feels? It doesn't make sense. Validating is LISTENING and understanding someone else's point of view. Responses could be as simple as "O.K"....... I've never thought of it that way....... Nodding your head.....I can see why you would think that..... Whatever is authentic to you. Sometimes it is better to not even defend your point of view. Eg If W says "you are a jackass and you never stood up for me" Maybe the best response would be W, you are right I am a jackass. I don't understand why I acted like that.... This way they are more likely to take compassion for YOU...

After you Validate their feelings they may think to themselves.. you know what, maybe I am being to hard, he isn't a jackass... ect.. Where if you were to defend yourself and call them out on their crap behavior, they would stand firmer decision that you ARE A JACKASS. Think about this. You don't need to be a doormat, but sometimes it is O.K to be wrong and OWN it.

tjack

Thank you, I understand and appreciate what your saying.

When do they ever admit to be a negative bitch?

Like I've said in the past, I fully admit my short comings and I've been working on fixing them. She seems to see that, but she is "annoyed" by it, because it's "not the person she knows". She puts a negative spin on EVERYTHING remotely R related.

I have to finish reading DR.

I have another IC appointment today, we'll see how that goes. W still hasn't booked IC - and I'm wondering if there are more creative ways for me to get her to do it without asking her everyday?!