Now and Zen

[zengypsy]

Hope:

Since going dark, I'm not sure if I've been doing any!! If you can give me some examples, I can tell if I am or not. I need to get much better at those; at least I think I do.

Yeah, I mean he's very clear on where I stand so I totally agree- 'nuff said! But I don't want to be a doormat either ya know?

I realized that I did peak his interest after you commented. I never made the connection before! THANKS! I went to this fair in Sept. but it was mentioned on his last visit in Nov. Do you see how short-lived it was though? My feeling is he was like well, two can play at that game and that's why he's gone dark too. I could be wrong in my theory but I'm not sure.

SIGH with this on-line dating stuff. I found out that he had joined 2 sites before he moved out. 1 he joined in Oct. 2009 and we went on a cruise the following month. Nice huh? When I confronted him, he said he just was seeing what was out there; like doing research. MLC'er think they are so crafty in their thought process. Then after he moved out, a cousin of mine's XW who is on every on-line site as well (which broke up her marriage; go figure!) saw my H's profile and asked my cousin if H and I were getting a divorce. My H got wind somehow that I knew he was on all these sites and he accused me of actually cyberstalking him. I didn't even engage him. What I REALLY wanted to say is that if you didn't want certain people to see your profile on all these sites, you shouldn't have joined. It's the risk YOU decided to take. You can't blame me for your stupid decisions in the name of "research".

I couldn't tell on certain sites if he was active. I knew a few where it showed when he was on-line last. One site he joined was a Swingers site. It's the biggest on-line Swingers site on the internet. Pretty gross huh? Makes what to take a hot shower it just grosses me out so badly. That's one of the sites i have no idea if anything happend and I'd rather not know. As of now, he seems to have disabled all his accounts. Not sure if that was at the advice of his Atty, if he did it on his own, or he is involved with an OW.

I like your thought in strategy and you aren't the first person to tell me that. But I have to be honest and say that I feel SO uncomfortable putting my photo on any of those sites even if it were more for strategy then anything else. There are SO many crazy people out there in those forums from what I hear from friends and relatives who have tried them all. And the other thing is like you for the same reasons, it wouldn't work.

So like you, I remain on this rollercoaster ride. Hopefully, he will come to his senses some day. I'm just going to see how all this unfolds after the D is final. It just totally [censored] no matter which way you look at it.

So your sitch sounds complicated....how are the twins taking all this? Even if they are 15, I imagine it's still hard for them as well.