What should my next move be?

[Grocerykartman]

HRT,

Pleased to hear that many have helped you during this time, myself inlcuded, but please also keep in mind that this is a board, and not everyone is on all the time, so they may not have even seen your posts until now..which was true in my case. Pretend for a second like you're laying for dead by the side of the road and many people keep seeing you and just driving by....that's not the case here...some of us just haven't been driving down the road you're on.

It sounds like you've been at this a long time, especially since you say you've been dating over last summer. Sounds like she has a made a pretty good effort to try to fix things too...(I know that sounds ridiculous because how good of an effort can she really be making with XH), BUT, I think she was trying almost as good as any WAW I've ever heard described on these boards. I don't think there's anything you can do directly right now...I would stay dark and keep your hope alive. You really do love her, I can tell because I have NEVER seen a post this long, particularly to a board that you that wasn't responding to you. It's good of you to do that though, that's what the board is for and more details are always more helpful than fewer.

Seems as if you just need to do whatever you can to detach. Yes, I know, you see it all the time on here and sometimes I think it becomes such a common term that people overlook its importance. There's a reason why DB tells you to detach. Because it puts your mind in the best position to deal with this. It allows you you to step back....and look at the big picture. Right now, you're still focusing on your every move with regard to HER. Why not focus on your every move with regard to YOU. Try harder than you ever have to live for you this year, or at least maybe this winter as a baby step.

I think her telling you she misses you everyday is a way for her to keep a tie to you, it's like a daily "feeler" to see how you feel.. I think she actually would be quite upset if she truly sensed you'd detached enough to be a confident guy without her. Just a gut feel.

Actions speak louder than words...and you obviously need more than just "I miss you." I think you need to let these words be your HOPE only, not your focus. Ya know, like I hope I win the lottery or my stock portfolio explodes, but realistically, my focus is on doing the right things to support myself and not expecting a miracle.

I would advise you not to give up here, because that's what DBing is. You've simply got to try to see this whole thing from a detached and distant point of view.

I wish you well.