Hi all. My wife left me the day after Thanksgiving. She had informed me that she was going to leave earlier in November. I responded with the typical begging and pleading. I started DBing almost immediately after she actually packed up her stuff and left. I suppose that I am in the LRT. It is very difficult. I am hurt and I miss her and my 11 yr stepson more than anything in the world.
I've been trying not to initiate contact and have been pretty successful. It seemed to be working a little better a couple of weeks ago than it is now. She only contacts me by text message every few days and those contacts are only for issues regarding bills and such. I do speak with my step son every other day or so. He misses me and wants to come home.
There is an EA I THINK. I know that she began talking to the guy friend of hers A LOT the last month that she was living in the house. I found his cell phone number on our bill with a lot of minutes being logged. I called and confronted him about affair. He denied and said that they were just friends. I confronted wife too. She said same thing, but that she wouldn't lie to me that she has questioned her feelings for this guy. I know from my BIL that she is spending a lot of time with him. The last time that I spoke to wife, she reiterated that he is just a friend and that he "hasn't even hit on me." I have stopped myself from discussing or asking about this relationship at all since that conversation which was 3 weeks ago.
My wife left bc we have been emotionally distant from one another for about a year. This resulted in me sleeping on the couch a lot and telling her that I was done with marriage in both January 2010 and August 2010. I refused counseling in February when she asked me. We did go to 4 sessions of counseling in October, but she says that it was too late by then, that she was already 'done'. In early November she told me that she loved me but was not in love with me and that she was leaving.
There have been a few positive signs since she moved out but not much. Her family believes that she is making a mistake, but I have backed off in my attempts to get them to help me. If we divorce, she will go back to being a single mother and having to support herself. I am a lawyer and make a very good salary. I have provided a very good life style for her that she will be giving up. We have accrued lots of debt over the past 3 years with our marriage, new house, engagement ring, furniture, and our house has no equity. She is very worried that she will have to take on part of that debt if we divorce. There is no way that her standard of living will be nearly as good if D happens.
I have read parts of both DB and DR. I have found DR more helpful and have been doing my best to implement LRT and do 180. My 180 so far has been hanging out with friends A LOT, going to church (which is very new for me), and learning everything that I possibly can about my actions during our marriage/relationship and how they landed our M here. In all sincerity, I am doing all of these things to make myself a better person and husband in the future. I just want it to be with my wife. Some days I am hopeful, others I feel like staying in bed and crying.
Any thoughts, advice, words of encouragement could really help me. I have a long way to go with this and am just trying to get through while I buy our M as much time as possible for her to come to her senses.
Doesn't it drive you crazy to think that once you told her YOU wanted the divorce and now you so don't? I find this a bit reassuring. Once upon a time we stood before a crowd of our friends and family and said we were committed to taking care of each other forever. Now we don't feel that way. Three years ago, I was so frustrated by my husband's refusal to talk to me (talk was the only way I knew to attack our problems - wish I'd learned the danger of that sooner) that _I_ said "Fine, I give up, I want a divorce," and now I still feel like giving up a lot of the time, but I certainly don't want the divorce. Six months ago my husband told me he's had enough and wants a divorce. Feelings change. You no longer want a divorce. Maybe your wife will get to that place, too. I think the key is to STOP doing the things that make her feel hopeless, even if you don't know what to do to make her feel hopeful. Best wishes.
M: 43 H: 44 M: 12.5 if the 5.5 year separation counts Bomb (I dropped it): Dec '07 H said finit: Jun '10 I moved on: May '13
Hi DMOD. I'm sorry to bother you, but I think that there is something wrong with the thread that I have been posting to on the 'newcomers' forum of the online community. My thread is never being bumped to the top of the board when a new post is placed on it. For example I just checked my thread and my post from 11:52 this morning is on the thread, but my thread is on PAGE 7 of all of the threads and is showing that the most recent post on the thread was on 12/29/10 at 5:57 p.m.
No one is reading my posts bc the thread is too far down the list. Would you mind checking this out?
my username is Denver_2010 and the thread name is "need advice and support to keep hope".
Also, can you kill this thread so that I just have the one?
Thank you
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Hi Denver, I'm reading it...so now I am a nobody on top of everything else? Just kidding ya man. Relax, we have enough on our plates with our W. Don't sweat the small stuff.
