I'm helping her move out? I'm losing my mind.

[Grocerykartman]

Don't lose your composure simpleton, things WILL be ok. You will get through this.

Let's break this down. First, I don't see any reason to call yourself an idiot for the content of your response. You have 3 kids, two very young. You have every right to have a lot of say in this. She can't just up and move anywhere without thinking of logistics, so if you pointed out reasons why place x and place y won't work, good! If YOU don't like the neighborhood or YOU can't do the drive or YOU can't get the kids to school or YOU flat out can't afford it YOU need to make that known and stick to it. Shows you're thinking and defending your right to your kids and your ability to help them get to school and whatever else may be the case. As long as you're thinking about the kids and logistics as the key priority with this, you are doing what you need to be doing.

It's important to think with your brain right now and not with your heart. Rememeber how I suggested to say what you said about you wish she'd stay only once? Well, you've done it. You can look at yourself everday now and know that you at least tried and she didn't go for it. It was likely going to be that way, so don't feel beat yourself up. It's over and done with. Time to move forward from that thought.

So then she says, "I'll stay home, since I have no choice, and go back to being the perfect wife." She claims you manipulated her? Maybe you did, but notice that she is doing the exact same thing to you with a guilt trip statement like that. She's mad because you actually pointed out reasons why she can't just do whatever she pleases. What does she think the real world will be like?

Not to be contradictory, I should point out that I still think you should help her move if that's what SHE (important) follows through with. Because the actual act of moving is a friendly act, something you'd do for your best male friend. But only the act of moving. Meaning, SHE ultimately picks the place based on however many you'll acquiese to, she does all the phone calling and utility set-ups, she pays for the moving expenses, she buys new stuff for herself, etc. You might have to help with extra stuff for your kids, but separate their needs from yours if SHE is doing this. But as of right now, she wants you to do a lot of the work, my guess is that this helps her feel like if things go wrong you had a big hand in it and it takes the pressure off of her in making this uncomfortable decision.

Move on to this morning. She's testing you with the "if you really cared about me..." statement. This is garbage and you shouldn't put up with it. You HAVE to go to work, particularly if you are going to be separated. If she wants to be away from you so bad, why does she want you to help her do this? I think as a guy, she wanted to test your resolve to your responsibilities. I will advise you to never waver on something like this again, meaning go to work! She is a fine one to talk about manipulation if she is putting these guilt factors on you. Has she been doing this during the course of your marriage? Do you give in just about every time? Don't feel bad if you have, many of us have been there and I sure was. You have to stick up for your responsibilities here, you can't just take off a Wednesday after all the holidays breaks because she is guilt tripping you.

I hope you didn't rent her the apartment, for the reasons I stated above. But if you did, don't get down on yourself, just realize that she's continuing to test you. You cannot be wishy-washy like you were this morning if this is ever going to work out with you two. You need to show a woman strong resolve.

You might have broke the rules, but tonight is a new night, tomorrow is a new day, etc. This is a tough time right now, like you stated. You feel like all the wheels are coming off and everything you do makes it worse somehow. Many of us have been there. My last two pieces of advice to you are simply, be as happy as you can be around your kids and get strength and joy from them. Regarding your wife, don't let her take you down HER road...she had you on it all day trying to deviate from your work schedule and wondering if you should surrender your lunch hour to help her do this. Stand up for your life, your work, and your lunch, and you'll gain your own self-respect.

I wish you well.