I just got married 5 months ago. Around 2 weeks ago, my wife told me it was over. She was tired of worrying about me. She says she did nothing but take care of me, and I gave nothing back. She says she hasn't loved me for over a year. Perhaps not coincidentally, I lost my job about a year ago... laid off. I had a very time consuming job for the first three months of our marriage.
She says she only got married because I proposed in a public place, and then there was so much momentum, she couldn't stop it. We just bought a house together 2 months ago. I asked for counseling, she refused. We have been together for around 5 years and been living together for almost 4.
We went back and forth over separation v. divorce and eventually I told her that though I was willing to fight to fix things with everything I had, if she isn't receptive to even seeing my hard work, then I guess we're done. At that point, she told me she needed a weekend to think about things. She went and visited her sister for new years. She came back and said it was over, and that she had slept with another man while she was away.
She has been very consistent the past couple days: this is over, I need to move on. I've essentially been "in crisis" the past few days, but luckily, I have amazing friends who have my back, and I've been couch surfing a bit.
EVERYONE was blindsided by this. She apparently talked to no one about her unhappiness. Everyone thought we were a wonderful loving couple. Everyone just basically says: "Who the F@*& does this?!?" and tells me she's crazy.
I think at this point I need to move on, but its hard.... I thought we were happy, in love... until two weeks ago. All my hopes and dreams were entangled with her. I don't really WANT to move on.
Is there any hope, or should I just move on, and say "better now than later", especially while there's no kids?
M:31 WAW:25 T: 5 years M: 6/25/10 Bomb: 12/17/10 Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17 Served D: 1/27
Additionally, she says she does not consider what she did cheating, as she isn't coming back to me, and told me so, so what does it matter if she "hooks up" with someone to have a good time?
M:31 WAW:25 T: 5 years M: 6/25/10 Bomb: 12/17/10 Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17 Served D: 1/27
Less than 72 hours after breaking off contact with W, she contacts me via email to talk about logistics of me moving out. I inform her that I will be staying in the house, but I won't be hanging around, as I have stuff to do!
Everything totally positive. She asks if I'm on drugs. I figure its a joke. I've never been on drugs. I tell her no in a positive way.
She asks if I'm waiting until divorce is finalized or if this is a "money thing". I tell her that my only plan is to work on myself.
I'm still away from the house at the moment.
M:31 WAW:25 T: 5 years M: 6/25/10 Bomb: 12/17/10 Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17 Served D: 1/27
She told me she's finally "getting herself back" and that she'll die if she has to deal with me being in the house.
A better question might be: who does it benefit to fight over this? my M? Me? My W?
I mean... the biggest issue for me is that I don't want her sleeping her way through the town (she will) in our bed in our house. I guess I have to let that go. I know I can't control her.
Seriously: it's like bizarro wife walked into my house one day.
M:31 WAW:25 T: 5 years M: 6/25/10 Bomb: 12/17/10 Discovered PA 1/2, Discovered EA, 1/17 Served D: 1/27
Seriously: it's like bizarro wife walked into my house one day.
i can certainly relate.. the only thing that is helping me get through this is to know that the man doing all the hurtful things to me right now is NOT my husband.. he's a stranger to me..
good luck with your situation, stay strong and positive
Me-41 H-34 T-9 M-8 10/21/10-BOMB 11/01/10-H moves out 01/27/12-H files
"Good memories tell you that your past was worth it, bad ones tell you that you were strong enough to go on"
