MR,
Gritter is right about this. It also takes quite a while
to realize that you do NOT want them to come back if they
are not done. That goes for separation, OM, or divorce.

They have to go through the whole thing. Not around it, below it
or above it. You get to go through your own journey too. If you
stand long enough, you will understand this as you go along.

Now if you take the short route that most LBS take who don't
go on their own journey, then it will be a mess if she comes
back early or a mess with a new R with someone new for you.


Originally Posted By: mentalradio
[quote]
Have your spouses ever admitted their confusion to you?


My W's confusion I have seen many, many times. Others have commented to me about her confusion.

She has admitted it several times and has had a look of HORROR
on her face when she has realized how bad the confusion is.

For me it proves to me over and over that she is in crisis.
She cannot admit crisis though because it would be too painful.
That makes this FAR from over. This is the HARSH REALITY.

If this crisis were to last another year or two for my W I would
not be surprised. There is much time needed for them to get through and RARELY does the MLC'r SNAP OUT OF IT.

That is precisely why you have to live life as if they are not
coming back.

If you sense her moving 1 step forward and then turn on a dime
and 10 steps backward, will that be a deal breaker for you?
Because if it is, that is going to kill you because of your
expectations and there is no room for expectations in YOUR
journey.

I have seen just that scenario with my W.

From everything I have read, it has to get really bad for them
before they turn it around. Then, it is a slow long road back.


I have verified this with my IC yesterday. He has seen many,
many MLC's in his office. 35 years of seeing this stuff.

Originally Posted By: mentalradio
[quote]
One other question. How do we [my wife and I] get to within a month where she can legally file for divorce, and she has made zero mention of it in the last six months, nor has she made any overt actions towards that end? What gives?


Consider yourself very fortunate that she has not filed if your
end goal is reconciliation. I wish my W would have made zero mention of it but I got served D and BD the same day. Some have
to go through divorce before they ever look within.

As long as your willing to ride this out, not mentioning divorce
from you might buy you enough time in the long run. Again, figure
on YEARS!!

Like Gritter says, Now you have to let her find her way and
it truly is ALL IN YOUR HANDS.