I am not a veteran at this, but that last question is an easy one. "NO".

You can not make changes just so she will stay. You have to make genuine changes for you. If that makes her stay, great!

Just do the changes. Don't talk to her about them. If they are genuine, she will notice. Also, don't be looking over your shoulder waiting for results. Have patience. It is going to get worse before it gets better. You must be prepared for that.

I would not ask her any of that stuff. I don't think she wants to be an instruction manual. I think you probably know what she wants, and what YOU want to do. I know this is hard but, time to shut up and do it. No more words.

H-40 W-38
Together-20
Married-12
boy-7 girl-3
bomb-9/17/10
No papers
live together
No affair