There is no formula; there is no 12 step program; there is no set of instructions on how to fix a broken marriage. There are things we know that generally don't work.
DBing is about where are you going from here, because there's no turning back.
You cannot control your spouse's feelings or actions or reactions or hopes or dreams or anthing else about them.
You can only control you, what you do, how you feel, what you want.
Your present marriage is obviously unacceptible to your spouse, so what do you do about it - change it.
If something pushes them further away, then stop it.
If something softens them (and you have to look really carefully for these) keep that up.
One constant peice of advice I get is do not speak or act from your emotions with your spouse. You must cotrol your decisions and do what you think is best; only you know.
That's why the advice here is sometimes vague and generalized about protecting you, because in the beginning none of us are thinking straight. We just care about each other here.
If you want to discuss a specific detailled incident, I'm sure some of the posters can weigh in. But none of us are "living" with you everyday like "The Truman Show", so take it for what it's worth.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
