MLC Spouse projecting negativity - Take 2

[Truegritter]

Have your spouses ever admitted their confusion to you?

Yes. And...

To me, that type of admission is very telling and significant. It's the first time in the last 1-1/2 years that she has acknowledged as much. It tells me she's struggling and confused...and she's finally becoming aware of this fact.

maybe.


Don't try to figure out where she is. I know you hear this a lot Radio.

And you will continue to do it. I got all sorts of indications of what "I thought" was her looking inside and "maybe" she was moving forward.

I don't want to squash this for you but having been there it can set you back if you start to put too much stock in it.

They are just words and emotions and they roll out of their mouths depending on the color of the moon.

Actions backing up those words?

Right now you are in the stage (I am sssuming by my own experience) where you are watching for any sign your W may want to come back.

Think about this: What does it look like when she does actually come back.

Or want to... What do YOU need to see in a new realtionship? Or is the old one good enough for you?

The old one is what you will get if you accept words as a basis for reconciliation.

If you accept emotional wimsy or glimpses of clarity.

Think about your goal here Radio. It is all in YOUR hands.

Your W is on her own journey. Will you let her find her way?

Maybe? Back to you someday?

You are still focused on what YOU want to happen.

When you can let that go, when you love someone enought to honor them with their own space and choices even if it is not what YOUR choice is...

you can find the peace. And understand what it means to love someone not for what you want from them in return.

Not from when they do what you expect or want them to do.

But in spite of that. When they do exactly what you don't want.

Which is harder? Which is the path most people choose?

Easier to say "f@ck off" to someone behaving badly towards you huh?

Then you walk away as someone whose love is defined by the another.

Radio you are coming to a point in this journey, and you have been here long enough to begin to understand this.

I can only share what I have learned and tell you that it takes all this pain to get there.

Keep walking forward.