I think, as woman, in our role as nurturers', that we often take on the responsibility of the entire family. What our kids do, what our husband does, all are a reflection upon our skills as a good mother and wife. That is the mindset. We were raised with it. But it is BULLSH#T. Our kids grow up and even as toddlers do things that are embarrassing and dangerous if not watched. When they are teenagers, it is totally whack.
I don't care if you were Beaver Cleaver's Mom, what your H did is in no way a reflection upon you as a human or a woman, wife or mother.
Your faith is very strong, that is obvious. I'm thinking you need a little outside reenforcement. Say a female self-protection class. Something with a little OOMPH! It is your self esteem that keeps taking the hit and keeping you down. Build on that. Take college courses. And I don't mean knitting. Take line dancing.
You are a wonderful, strong, loving woman, whose been used as an emotional punching bag, either directly or indirectly, by a H with a certifiable problem. Thump that little devil of self doubt off your left shoulder and listen to the angel on the right. ((HUGS))
