H and I (married 9 years, married late, no kids) have some problems we can't solve and that I feel I cannot live with. These problems, combined with his frequent complaining about people, nay-saying/resistance, and continually second-guessing many things I try to do ("don't to that, do this") have alienated me almost completely.
Worst (to me) is a pattern of problems involving financial irresponsibility that continues year after year. Not gambling, not debt. One issue is mismanagement of a rental property he owns--leaving it unrenovated and empty for more than a year and a half (a loss of probably $1,000/month), and prior to that, failing to deposit rent checks for extended periods. Also, he is paying $2400 a year to keep excess stuff in storage--he's had the storage unit since before we were married and he rigidly refuses to get rid of things there or in the house even if they haven't been needed/used for many many years (his father was a classic hoarder).
My efforts to discuss these things devolve into criticisms of me and my unreasonableness and faults rather than productive discussions of these matters.
It's not that there are no good times. But the problems seem insurmountable.
Have you been to any marriage counseling? And is there any possibility of getting him into any kind of help for himself? It's possible that his lack of dealing with issues like the rental stem from depression and/or physical conditions causing fatigue. And with a father who was a hoarder, your husband may be at risk of depressive or obsessive disorders himself.
Is there some reason why you can't organize the repairs needed to rent the rental unit? If your primary concern is the financial issues, perhaps you need to be in charge of them. At least until his depression or whatever issues they are, are dealt with.
Sorry, we have been out of town... DH owned the rental before we were married and thinks of it as his, not ours. In fact, it is his. I'm not on the deed, etc. He claims he wants to do work on it himself. When I suggested some time ago that I could work on getting the renovation done, his response was silence.
We married late (he was 50, I was in my 40s) and have never been really integrated financially. He would not turn over finances to me--I haven't asked him, but I know it with certainty.
I have gone to see a cognitive therapist (I have a history of anxiety) and talked with her about this. I will see her again later this week.
