Young couple in need of help

[sumguy27]

Yeah and you know what the funny was? I get a phone call this morning from a close friend of mine. He tells me that his girlfriend told him that my wife is going to give me another chance. And for me to be cool. I was stunned to hear it.

Every since I went on my date there was pictures of us at the club dancing together, holding each other and just having a good time. It was posted on myspace.

That day I get a phone call from her asking what I need from her place for the kids. I never get asked that. Later on she texted me asking if she could drop the kids off earlier because she got sick from them. (I got sick from them too during this week) I asked her if she was fine and she said that she has a cough and running nose and her throat hurts.

Monday she texted me to tell me her co-worker just had her baby. I said thats great. But it seem like she tried to keep the converstation going. I just never responded.

Weds I get a call from her asking how the kids are and how was there appointment and if I can bring my son in to get his teeth cleaned on Thursday today. I told her you know my work schedule and I work 9-9 Thursday.

This morning I get a phone call from my friend telling me that she is thinking of giving me another chance.

Its wired when you do all those things, get a life, work on yourself and when they see you with someone that is a threat they seem to get pulled in. I like this new girl too. But I know the right thing to do is to fight for my marriage and fight for my kids.

I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. Not bugging her, going out and having fun and wait till she comes and talks with me about it. I want her to chase me now.

[sumguy27]

Yeah she did chase me for a bit. Only because I found out her boyfriend had cheated on her. But then again she ran right back to him. I have been way too nice, getting stepped on all over me taking the responsiblity with my kids only while she kept doing what she was doing.

We always fought on who was going to have custody of the kids. Yesterday when she picked them up she showed up to my place with her boyfriend. That was the last straw, I told her I give in and throwing the towel.

If you think your the better parent, and have a better living facility then me for them, then take them.

I also told her, I'm taking her off my car insurance and I give her this week to find insurance.

I never said I wouldn't provide for my kids. I do, she wants them full time, I never wanted her to do so. I'm there for them all the time.

These are my 180's and I still want to DB. But I thought long and hard about this. If she really wants to be a single parent. I have to give her responsiblity of a single parent and bills of a single parent. I still don't want a divorce, love and miss her and my kids. Let's see how this month goes. And today I start my new job.

[soleil]

Sum, it sounds like things are looking up in your sitch.

[sumguy27]

Seems like it but I'm hurting like crazy. I miss my kids, and after all this BS I miss her too.

I just have to let her go and not protect her from hardship.

[soleil]

The fact that she's communicating with you so much is a good sign.

[robx]

you don't have to miss your kids,
you still need to pursue joint custody,
smarten up bro, you're actually learning some useful stuff from all this interaction with her.

- her "bf" cheats on her but she still goes back to him, so he treats her badly but she still goes back to him
- she pursues him, not the other way around and that's what works, that is your lesson, no more pursuing, no more taking care of her, detach, drop the rope and move on and act as if life is awesome
- pursue having your kids for 50% of the time, why you would let that go is beyond me, are you giving up on them as well?

Start dating, she still has it in her head that your pursuing her and she'll continue to keep you at distance until you actually move on - when she gets it in her head that you aren't pursuing her anymore and don't want her anymore, that's when she would start pursuing you if that ever happens, why would it happen before then?

[sumguy27]

It was my own test for her. To see if she could really do what she said she could do. She can't take them full time and they hate living over @ grandpa's house.

2 weekends ago, she tells me my son wants to see me and can I take the kids for the weekend. I told her I will just take my son for the weekend and take my lilo girl the next. She was mad she didn't get her way. And try and blame me for not loving my daughter enough to take her also. I just brushed it off. Sunday comes along and he is begging to stay with me and keeps saying"tomrrow ok daddy?" So I tell her that I'm taking him for one more night and to come and pick him up on monday.

Monday rolls by, she's there he is laying on the couch waking up from his nap. Tears in his eyes looking up to her. He didn't want to leave, I go to him and wipe his tears away and said I will take him this week. After she leaves I said I hope you see what I saw with him. She reply's yes I did.

This past week she's was being nice to me, goofy text messages, went to a wedding and she tried to talk with me.being nice. Something is up. I have noticed everytime she is nice she is abou to screw me over. And she did.

She had dropped off the my lilo girl friday night and I told her I need her to pick up both the kids sunday @ 2. I had plans of watch the big game for us MN folks(yes I know we lost). She says okie dokie.

Sunday rolls along and an hour before pick up time, she texts me I don't have a sitter next week not picking up the kids. I told her that's her problem. Not mine. Find plan B. It goes back and fourth her shutting off her phone so I can't get a hold of her. I'm super pissed off because this isn't the first time. And said I had it.

I took her off my insurance, and told her I'm filling for custody of my kids and her getting served with child support.

She replies back there is no point of living because I'm ruining her life! Wtf! I told her I'm not sorry for her and she choose him over my kids and me and a family. So leave us alone. She said she never choose him over the kids. And then I asked where are you @ then? He is sitting right next to you while I'm with the kids again so what are you doing?

She calls me selfish, ruining her life. She is afraid because she knows its a good chance I will get my kids. I don't care anymore. She expects me to be all nice and get walked all over again forget that.

Sorry long post had to let it out.

I still want her back. How do I even keep fighting when things keep getting worst? Now looking for a lawyer.

[sumguy27]

Well a lot has happened the past month. Its always a flip flop answer. I don't know or its over or I don't know. She did cry and admit to me she messed up big time. There has been a lot of talking from her but not a whole lot of action. Oh and she moved in with her boyfriend back in Nov and I didn't find out untill I took the kids away.

Now she is trying to find her own place.and it happens 2 be in the same city as me and her boyfriend go figure. Her excuse was she needs time to herself to rethink about the family and kids. Yes she admited to me that she neglected the kids for her own selfish ways.


I told myself tonight I really got to drop the rope. Its either I let this run its course. Or I keep running through cheeseless tunnels.

Why do I even want to save this marriage? I feel like giving up.

[sumguy27]

wow finally back after many months.

Well last year was a huge rollarcoaster ride. My mother passed away, my wife still with the same loser, and it took a long time for me to heal and move forward.

The best advice I can give to anyone going through the same thing is to stop what you think your doing is right and do the total opposite. Also Let go. You will feel much better. Easier said then done but really once you let go, and just focus on yourself and not the situation, things will get better.

I wait everyday now for our divorce. Not that I want it to happen at all, I still love her very much, but I know soon or later she will realize her mistakes and come to her senses. By that time I will be long gone.

Just wanted to revive this thread and see how everyone else who has helped me in the past is doing.

[dbmod]

Hi sumguy,

I'm really sorry to hear about your mother. And I'm sorry you are still separated.

How did you two get along during the holidays? Were you able to spend time with your kids?