I am so sorry to hear this. I know how you feel. You are a very strong lady and I have no doubt you will find the strength to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
I have a funny/sad story to tell you about what happened when my H served me. My H had sent me an e-mail warning me that since I wouldn't sit down with him and agree to a D 2 months after he left, he was going to have me served. At that time my hours at the university were a bit variable (meetings, working at home, etc) and the process server tried to serve me at my workplace twice (H paid for the service each time). I got messages from my secretary each time telling me that some guy had tried to "leave something for me" and I was supposed to call him and set up a time to meet. (GAG crosses her eyes. ) So to put an end to this ridiculousness, I called the number the server had left. I got a recorded message saying that this phone was not in service. (GAG crosses her eyes again. ) Since I didn't want to be served while I was in the middle of lecturing, I called H on his cell phone, told him what happened, and told him that if he wanted to have me served he should send me the correct phone number for the process server so I could set up a time for him to serve me at home. H sounded giddy on the other end of the phone. (Little did he know what was in store for him. I don't think things turned out the way he planned........) It seemed very surreal to me, but then most of what we do through this process makes us feel as though we're having out of body experiences, doesn't it?
Now, regarding the question of the L, I STRONGLY advise you to have your own L. You need to have someone to look out for YOUR welfare and someone who knows the laws of your state. I understand your concern about not wanting to antagonize your H but we are talking about your future and your retirement here, Seeking. Certainly, your H will have no way of knowing if you go to a L for a consultation to find out about the laws of your state and your rights. This L can look at your H's proposal and tell you if it might be reasonable or if it is way off.
Did you ever read what I posted about a colleague/GF from work who had a D agreement prepared by a paralegal who represented both her and her H (they wanted to save money by not paying for two Ls). She moved out of the house because she was afraid for her safety. He continued to live in the house and was supposed to allow it to be shown for sale. The house was never put on the market. Her XH was uncooperative and 10 months later she is still living with some very kind relatives and the house has not even been listed, so she has not been able to buy her own place yet. After about 6 months she had to hire a L to petition to have the D re-opened. $20K and 10 months later she has a final agreement with her XH for him to buy out her interest in the house. She is awaiting payment. If her XH doesn't pay her what he agreed to she will have to pay a L again to pursue payment from him.
My point in telling you this story is to say that working through a single attorney doesn't necessarily save you money.
Sorry for being so opinionated on this but I don't want you to be taken advantage of. If you choose to continue DB'ing through this process, having your own L also makes it easier to DB. You can have your L convey all of your demands to H's L, allowing you to stay out of the middle of the active negotiations if you choose (of course you would be very active behind the scenes).
Hope this gives you some different perspectives on this issue.
) So to put an end to this ridiculousness, I called the number the server had left. I got a recorded message saying that this phone was not in service. (GAG crosses her eyes again. 