Big talk tonight. I am a wreck, need support.

[hope2011]

Is this board moderation for everyone or just new people? How in the world does someone keep up with all these posts to moderate? Wow. Not complaining (so grateful to Michele!) but boy, makes it hard to update when moderated because a lot can go on a few hours time.

Update... H opened up to me about work today, first time he's done that in a week. Work isn't good so I expect he'll just get more stressed. He's starting traveling with his job this week and I admit... I am FREAKING out inside, but on the outside. With him posting on that dating site and removing me from FB, I am terrified he'll meet someone else. He's flying out to another state Thursday, coming home the same day. He has to interview a woman for a job position, I know she's real, I know it's just work... but I'm still scared. He informed he has to travel more and I know he does. How do I trust him? How do I not show I'm scared to death? I don't want to push him into an affair.

So some 180's... no sweatclothes anymore, fixing hair and makeup even though I work from home (so does he). Doing better at not hovering and bringing up R. Being more lighthearted with conversation. Haven't said 1 negative thing in 2 days and haven't cried in front of him today. Small steps.

Need to clean but we need to take down the tree and I don't know if I should separate our ornaments and decorations or not? If I have to move, that needs to be done. Maybe I should, so he know I'm taking what he said seriously?

No R talk yet. I know R talk is bad. But I also know we had no R talks between Bomb #1 and #2 and look at where that got me. I don't want to find out he's dating and thinks that's ok because we're "separated" without me knowing it. I asked yesterday morning if we were separated or not and he won't give me a straight answer.

He has also said he still loves me but I'm not sure he means it or is softening the blow. For now, I'm going to believe he means it... gives me hope I need right now.