PEI, I don't always think looking back to see what you did is helpful. I mean we can't recreate the feelings of a new romance with someone you have been with for a dozen or so years. It's not realistic. Some would disagree, but I think I have science on my side.

But to your point that doesn't mean that a person cannot affect how their S sees them. I think our S are attracted to us for a variety of reason. Knowing yourself and knowing those helps spark that reaction.

SBH
As for bringing it up. I differ from the DB approach on this. I think there are ways to bring it up that can be effective or they can totally backfire. I've done both in my situation. I have notice for me that once I bring up something I feel 10X better than if I hold it in and let it fester. (even if I bring it up here, to my IC, or to my W) It's most effective bringing it up to my W.

Also there has to be a right time. If you are dying to bring it up, I would bring it up in a round about way. If you haven't, I'd check out the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Aside from an interesting read, the author has a bunch of different "activities" couples can do. Your W might be game and they might allow you to talk a bout this in a non-threatening non-complaining way. I think the key is not to sound like you are whining about it.

However, I assume most here would disagree with that approach.

I do agree on taking stock of the small things, as we have discussed a lot. There is a lot of intimacy between your W and you. I think you aren't really missing intimacy...you are missing W initiating it. That's a different thing. Right now why does it bother you that she isn't initiating? Do you think she is trying tell you something? Because I think her other actions are telling you a whole lot. Listen.

You are building, that's why the call it piecing and not one big chunk.

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau.