I hope you are doing okay.....my heart started beating fast when I read your post about going to the bar......Same thing happened to me on Jan. 2nd of last year.
I will tell you this, I layed down the law with her and the next day crumbled again.....I am not going to beat you over the head, everyone else has pretty much done a good job there.
Sticking to your guns is hard but it is what you have to do. No contact with him otherthan to tell him the next thing he says to you better be "I broke it off with her"......and he will eventually do that but then it will be a hard row to hoe for him.
You can worry about that when that happens......
For now you have to be able to push him away when he is giving you the "love" you feel you "need", problem is it is not the "LOVE" you "DESERVE".
And you Deserve better. Hold out for that LOVE.
((((hugs))))
~C
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
my heart started beating fast when I read your post about going to the bar......Same thing happened to me on Jan. 2nd of last year.
Let me tell you what...my heart was beating fast when I went to the door of the bar. I kept thinking what will I do if she is there and I see her. WHAT WILL I DO? nothing. Just like I didn't do anything when I found them in my house in bed together on July 4th. nothing. Didn't mean that for a brief second I didn't imagine beating the living crap out of her! LOL!!!!!
Anyway,I have been strong today. I HAD to send him a text that our oven door broke off and that I was informing him that I was going to best buy to get a new one tonight. Our finances are still very much together. He didn't reply. Thank God. and there has been no other communication.
I went and got a massage today. PERFECT day for it.
back at work, and I am off to a meeting that will include wine. PERFECT day for it.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
SOMETIMES WE HAVE our joy, only to misplace it. There are as many ways for joy to elude us as there are personalities in the world, but one way we lose it is by not being present in the now. We spend so much time thinking about where we should have been, where we need to be, what we need to do, and how we’re going to do it that we forget about right now. We’re not going to get this second back, so why are we such poor stewards of this moment? Notice, I didn’t say be in the moment. I want you to be in this moment. I want you to begin to recognize when you have a “this moment” with your family, your peers at work, your friends. I’ve found that it is very difficult to be in this moment if we’re constantly plagued with thoughts of yesterday or tomorrow. Living a not-so-perfect life, I have experienced the consequences of sin-my own and those bestowed on me by others. I have made mistakes that shame me to no end; sins that if I dwelled on them and failed to receive the forgiveness freely given, would send me into a black hole from which I would never return. And I have also experienced sin on the receiving end: abandonment, betrayal, manipulation, and emotional abuse. Accepting my failures, as well as those of others, is the only way to deal with a fallen world. And moving on is the only way to hope. Don’t let your past haunt your now. What happened yesterday, last month, or when you were twelve years old cannon be undone. It happened; and it was probably sad and unfair. Thinking about, dwelling on, and reliving the past-one created by you or for you-will only rob you of joy today. Joy is a state of contentment that cannot be affected by outside forces. Remember: yesterday is an outside force.
I cried out to the Lord, And he answered me from his holy mountain. I lay down and slept, Yet I woke up in safety, for the Lord was watching over me. (PSALM 3:4-5)
Are you willing to let it go? Notice I asked if you were willing. Most of us are capable but have become so comfortable rolling around in our tormented pasts that we’ve come to relish our “victimhood.” What will you choose? The agony of yesterday or the joy of today?
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
Thank you for posting that. I needed to hear it very much
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Good morning everyone - and I truly mean GOOD morning. I feel so free this morning. the anxiety that has been laying on my chest for the last 5 days has lifted.
Yesterday, I didn't feel like texting or talking to my H at all. He did text me about 5pm last night and it said this:
Talked to D13. Said you got the stove. kul. Im takin her to school tomorrow. Told her i would call when i got close. I understand you not wanting to see me til its over. thats fine. I made you a promise. I intend to keep it.
I replied much later:
ok - thanks for understanding
He immediatley replied:
You got it. Can you please just remember the game plan. for real.
my response much later:
I remember. Actions speak louder than words.
His response:
Good. Thank you.
He text me this morning that he was outside waiting for D13 to come out. (remember his usual thing is to stop and pick up coffee for me, come inside early hang out with the girls and me, take D13 to school, come back hang out with D10 a little longer and then take her to school. most of the time he would come into the bathroom while I was getting ready for work and talk to me.) So he is giving me my space - thank God.
He text me after he dropped off D13 and ASKED if he could take D10 to school too. I said of course. I figured he would stay out in the truck again and wait, but he didn't he came into the basement. I didn't know this and I walked downstairs to leave for work and he was down there talking on his cell to someone from work. I didn't look at him or say anything (YEAH ME!!) I just started to walk out of the house into the garage. He said, "HI". I said Hi back, but didn't look at him and said it as I was walking out. He said to me from behing that he would shovel the driveway for me. I said, "Thanks" and got in my car.
I got in my car and smiled because I DIDN'T want to talk to him or look at him. I felt so good. I am so determined to ignore him.
But more importantly I am determined to focus on work, my girls, my friends and myself.
I hope everyone has a GOOD day too.
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
And that is how it is done......I truly hope that many people read this because that is EXACTLY how you need to interact with him.
He wants to come back to you, he is having trouble.....he needs incentive......stop giving him the carot.....dangle it just beyond his nose.....I think it is good that he came in the basement!!!!
Time and Patience
Happy Little Friday!!!!
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
TAMF! You did well! Good Job, give yourself a pat on the back. Sticking to your guns is what needs to happen. You are being serious about your stand and I believe he is getting the idea!
Good Job, and inspirational to hear!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Not much to update today except that I have kept my promise to myself and have not text or called H. and he has respected me by doing the same.
I read a historical romance novel last night, this is something I used to do when I was in high school, college and my 20s. I switched to more substantial reading in my late 20s - 30s. But every once in a while I get a itch to read a great love story - especially about Highland warriors because they are so very tall and manly anyway, what I found interesting last night (read until 3am) was that my whole life when I would read these novels, the man was ALWAYS my H visually in my head when I would read. Last night, it wasn't, it was just the character in the book.
I cried. but not hard, and not for long...
My life and heart and soul have been so damaged deep inside that I don't even read a novel the same anymore.
I came to the realization that it was okay. Life is not always a fairytale like I beleived. but that doesn't mean it isn't wonderful and glorious in other ways.
On a different note, my girls have a huge weekend long swim meet this weekend and all of us swim parents have hotel rooms and will be visiting the casino saturday night after the swim meet. Can't wait - the other swim parents are my very best friends and we always have a blast when we go away for weekend long meets.
Have I told you all how incredible my girls are at swimming? They are and it is so much fun to watch them grow in this sport that is so healthy for thier bodies and minds.
D10 has already qualified for 3 events at State this year. She is amazing at breastroke! Her little body was created for the water. She could qualify for at least 2 more events for state this weekend - so wish us luck!!!
TAMF m:41 xh:41 T: 20 M: 15 D: 16 D: 14 Bomb dropped: 7/3/10 separated: 7/15/10 H moved in to new apt. with OW: 7/1/11 divorced: 8/26/12
anyway, what I found interesting last night (read until 3am) was that my whole life when I would read these novels, the man was ALWAYS my H visually in my head when I would read. Last night, it wasn't, it was just the character in the book.