Am I piecing? Just can't tell 2...

[Sad_but_happy]

ML would be great but by intimacy I mean HER initiating ANY touch. Which is STILL something we have to work on because it was almost always me that initiated. That is one of our big issues. My LL (like most men) is touch. And she didn't meet that need.

She could just grab my hand or rub my leg or initiate a hug and I would be so darn happy. But after the "honeymoon phase" 17 years ago she really slowed down. And that has been my biggest complaint for years.

She "claims" she is physically affectionate (referring to how she could freely hug/hold hands with OM)... But that is the fog. Everyone is like that at the beginning of an R. When we do finally discuss it again I have these three points:

1. She WAS affectionate the first few years of our R.

2. When I stopped being affectionate 3 years ago because I was detaching (kissing, hugging, etc) she would ask me to be affectionate with her. So it wasn't ME that she couldn't be affectionate with.

3. I have noticed in the past 6 months to a year that she is less affectionate with kids. She is still affectionate but now instead of finding them to give a hug or kiss goodbye, she just yells, "I’m going out, be back soon." Or does not come home and immediately hug them. Both my kids have commented to me that mom forget to give them a kiss.


I think that W can be affectionate when it's easy. When it's new. As soon as it gets comfortable she pulls back. This IS natural but shows that you need to put EFFORT into continued affection. Everything gets old and it is easy to take people for granted but that is where the EFFORT comes in.

I so want to bring up those three points to her and have been fighting not to. Any thoughts on if I should or not?