A sex therapist would be a great help to me - I know I need help in maintaining and following through on efforts to change, to push me to work through the issues I am not comfortable with and generally provide neutral guidance. Unfortunately there is not a sex therapist where I live or even one nearby. Seeing one would require $300 airfare or a day and a half travel by car. Maybe some day we can attend a weekend intensive (but I'm doubtful that he would be agreeable to it even if we can come up with the time and money).
As I mentioned before, we were making progress for a couple of weeks and then I found that although I was working at it, the focus became about moving forward for him, getting to the point where we he could actually having sex but I found that I was again going thru the motions for him and that I wasn't feeling the excitement and desire that I wanted. His response was that I would just have to deal with it. I basically shut down, I don't know what to do. He was trying to be patient, but was not really supportive or understanding. I don't know how to communicate to him what I need. I don't want to have a sexless life with him, but I can't stand the pressure to perform any longer, I can't stand him touching me and I can't stand that his response is "you'll just have to get over it". I told him so and he responded that he had been trying to be patient and trying to help me but it didn't seem to make a difference so he was going to accept that I don't want to have sex with him but that I should take care of him when the need gets to the point where he has to have it. I told him that it would certainly become even fewer and farther in between because I have come to hate him and myself for having that kind of a relationship.
He is self employed and works out of town quite a bit. He often tells me that he hopes I will work out my problems while he is gone. I try to explain that my problem is with how the two of us interact. I don't have a problem with the idea of sex in general, I don't have trouble acheiving an O, but I do have a problem with him - with his expectations of me in regard to sex, with the way he treats me as if I am a toy or a tool for him rather than a person whose private space and body should be respected. How do I work on that on my own? I know I need to work on things, but I feel like he needs to help me.
