Actually my wife and IC have both told me that the "of course not, everything is fine" is not the answer she needs to or wants to hear.

Saying everything is fine is a huge reason, I'm in the mess I am in. What my W and IC do say is that don't play games, be direct, if something is bothering me say something BEFORE I get mad.

However, sometimes if I don't do that, gets mad it's already too late. At that point my only focus should really be not letting my wife see me mad. I'd rather not be mad at all, but we are human. I think that it's okay to be mad, sad, frustrated, upset etc. I would like to reduce those things that make me angry, which is my goal.

Sorry you are having a crappy day. They do happen. I also think you are going to have trust issues for a while. I know I do at times, but then I talk myself through them. It's natural - she betrayed your trust. You should look at the reasons why she did instead of on the fact that she did. I know easier said than done. For me, I'm slowly building my trust up with my wife day by day. Each day is a little more trust and it feels good to trust her.

Do you call here just to see if she'll answer? Do you go to her work to see if she is there? If so, you should probably stop that. You have to give her a reason to chose you and obsessing about her whereabouts isn't good. My bro told me this about his ex-girl friend. "If my biggest fault was that I trusted her too much, I can life with that." However, if you are finding yourself really anxious then it might be time for some anti-anxiety medication.

Also SBH, your wife is putting everything she has into the marriage now. She really is. Look at it from the other side, what would you say if your W said to you, "I don't think you aren't putting everything into working on the M." What would your response be? Angry, confused. You bet. I'm sure if you said it to her, she'd have the same response.

I think I have this perspective because once during a discussion my wife said how hard she was at working the M and talked about ways she was doing so. I could really hear it in her voice. It kinda struck me as I thought that I was putting in most the work. I mean here I was going to therapy, taking meds, giving her space, etc. and I though she was doing very little on the M. It really woke me up as to the fact that my W is working hard even in ways that I cannot see. Since that time, I've never had the feeling that one of is is not working on the marriage.

But it is hard to shake that perception. Especially when you aren't getting what you need. Talking on here, reading other stories makes me see how good I really have it. I mean some people here are going through absolute H-e-l-l. And I get to see my W every night, she calls me, we sleep in the same bed, she walks around naked after her shower (okay that last one is a little cheeky wink) and we have mostly pleasant interactions.

Considering where I was 8 weeks ago. It is amazing. Yet I still am not happy at times. I think I tend to look towards what is next instead of focusing on the now. (except for today)

Hope your day turns better. some of my crappy days have ended up going very well and some of my better days have ended up badly.

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.
--Jean Jacques Rousseau.