Beyond Depression..but still a losing battle?

[Lucky11too]

Happy New year as well! The new year came in slowly this year. I just didn't feel up to doing anything(tired after all the christmas craziness) so I just stayed home, watched a movie, cheered at midnight, then went to sleep. S was in bed by 9:30, but had a hard time sleeping with all the fireworks going off. H of course was working, but they were having a big party at his place and all the family went there. I could have gone, but didn't feel up to it. I was fine with it until midnight when I saw all the people kissing on tv and realized I was alone. I texted H happy new years at midnight and he text that back as well shortly later. H has kept the communication open (texting to see how I'm doing, calling sometimes, etc) but I've been a little annoyed with his lack of trying to actually see me. He got off from work slightly early on Saturday night (9:30), and said he was tired from the night before, but still went to the old place to watch the UFC recap. On Sunday, he got off early too, but went to a salsa club to check out bringing in salsa dancing to their place once a week. Yes, that was work related, but to me, it comes back to priorites. He always found "work" things to do to get away/stay away from the house before. I keep thinking that if we do get back together, he will need to devote his off work time to family time (which is really only two nights a week [wed/thurs] + other sporadic times - still not much). Yes, there are always other things to do (or friends to see), but when we have such little time together as it is with our opposite work schedules, the time he's not working has to be an us priority. A lot on my mind still. I'm still thinking too about how to push forward the next part of my plan. I think a casual conversation about moving forward with us this year to get his mind thinking, before I push him too hard. It will let him know where my mind is and get him thinking before I demand an answer (well, not that I'm actually going to demand it, but you know, before I push harder on it). In other news, H is also suppose to start a new med this month that will help with his ADD. I really hope that helps. From what I understand, a lot of issues are linked to his ADD, so it will be interesting to see which of H's problems are helped by dealing with his ADD. One more thing about the dr, he is actually transferring H to another dr b/c he is going to start writing a book with Dr Amen. Exciting for him, but I'm not sure if that's a benefit or hurt for H. In one sense, it might be good for another dr to look at H, but on the other hand, the original doc knows more about the sitch that H has been dealing with. So, I guess we'll see!

So back to work as usual again. I'm going to miss all the extra time with S that I had over the holidays. We got our tax schedule yesterday, so definitely going to be busy again! (luckily they hired another girl that is going to be able to help out some this year. Yay! But since she is new, there is also going to be a huge learning curve that is going to require my time as well - so we'll see how much time I gain).

So, not sure what to make of the new year yet. Hopefully though, it's going to be a good year. Trying to think positive thoughts!