i feel a mess, can hardly concentrate at work, can hardly eat, my hands are shaking and i just want to curl up into a ball and hide away.
I looked at H message it said 'if you didnt want to you should have said', the thing is i did say i replied about the 4 times i told him i am not comfotable with what is going on but you didnt stop. In the end i have caved i txt him saying 'look you have sent an apology so lets just forget about it i cant deal with this anymore', i snt that but dont feel any better for sending it, tonight is gonna be awkward. H hasnt replied, i got a call from his phone but when i answered no one would speak so i hung up, i dont know if his phone rang by accident (which hasnt happened in the 4 years he has had it) or if he thought he was ringing someone else.
To be honest i dont know what to think anymore i feel a mess but i am but a face on it. I'm already imagining what bed time is going to be like, he is the type of person to shift the blame so i imagine the next couple of weeks are going to be icy and cold towards me for even saying or merely suggesting anything, i wish i hadnt said anything and just pretending everything was fine even if i am hurting, replaying him holding me down whilst i'm crying, i feel so crap right now :0(
