TAMF's Christmas Miracle?

[TAMF]

First,

Thank you all for your thoughtful words. Your friendships mean the world to me...I mean that with all of my heart.

Some of you already know what happened last night, but I will go ahead and repeat...After I got home from work, H had text me that he would come and pick up the girls for swim and then he was going out for some drinks with a buddy from work (I know this guy). I took a long hot shower and cried my eyes out. I got out of the shower and a book that I was reading - Surviving an Affair - was laying there. I grabbed it and ripped it into a million peices. left it laying on the bathroom floor. Then I went to bed to lay down. I got calm and refocused. I got up cleaned my mess and left early to pick the girls up from swim. As I was driving, I asked God to give me a sign. HELP ME. And the thought came to my head. Drive past the bar where the OW works, if his truck is there that is my sign that I am done.

His truck was there.

I went into the bar and yelled his name from the door. The girl bartending was not his girlfriend, there were a couple guys he was sitting with but I couldn't tell if she was in the bar. He looked up -startled to see me would be an understatement - He followed me out of the bar. I screamed that I was done with his f*@king lying ass. DONE!!! I told him to leave me alone and don't talk to me or see me. I got in my car and took off.

I am not talking to him, not texting. He tried and tried to call me last night but he has now given up. good.

I told the girls that unfortunately their dad is not welcome in the house any more. I will never interfere with thier relationship with thier dad, but he will have to come and pick them up and either take them to his apt. or take them somewhere else.

They understood. They were sad, but no tears. They were really hoping that we were getting back together. But my D13 said, "we will be okay mom, we have been alone for 6 months now and we are doing just fine."

They both cuddled up next to me in bed and slept with me last night.

I feel a mixture of conflicting emotions. I feel a sense of relief. I feel a sense of fear that this is it. But I am not crying nor do I feel like crying. I just feel slightly numb.

A friend text me late last night and said: Don't say or do anything else while this angry.I will follow those words of wisdom. I just don't want to have anything to do with him right now.

In case a couple of you were wondering...I did not call my "distraction" last night, even though I was tempted. But I realized I was tempted because I wanted my H to hurt like I was hurting and that is NOT a reason to call!! That is over. I need to be totally alone right now. process my life.

By the way, on top of everything else my oven door fell off last night! seriously, just friggin fell off!!! It is laying on the floor. Guess I need to get a new oven! LOL!!!