Trying to move forward....

[kissak]

Augtan, TMAF and ERIC! Thank you...I will take everything in that i have read....You make me laugh Eric when you give me advice then think to tell yourself to read it too!

This is hard on all of us, but we will survive!

So, my new goals for 2011....I have a long list

It starts with growing forward

[PEI]

Trust me kissak, he isn't kidding, he is seriously flagging that quote to reread for himself later!!! lol ...

Growing forward ... I like it! I have a friend to always says we should "fail forward" ... in other words, take our mistakes or failures and learn our life lessons so that we move forward on our path ...

Happy New Year Kissak! All the best in 2011 ... I know we're all going to have a fantastic year, because it will be what we make it!

Cheers!
PEI

[warriorshadow]

I read it too.

Thanks Eric!! The timing is great for me to read that post too.

Happy New Year Kissak! All the best in 2011 ... I know we're all going to have a fantastic year, because it will be what we make it!

Cheers!
PEI

I second that P! I too believe we all are going to have a

fantastic year!! I would like to propose a toast to all of my

friends here because after all, it is Little Friday and going

to be NEW YEARS EVE tomorrow.

Maybe I can't sip wine with "Firewalker" Misher today, but

I can crack a beer with everyone here!!!


Happy NEW YEAR to you Kissak !!!!

And also HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone here !!! (That includes you

ERIC)!!

[kissak]

Thanks PEI and WS.

Well, I have figured out a few things this weekend....

One~ never hold in the anger or it will just explode at some point.

two~ I am jealous that my H chooses the OW over doing something I Need. Need to work on that.


ANger, well....what set it off was asking my H too keep kids part of the weekend and when that didnt go my way and I found out that he was choosing to be with the OW over helping me with the kids when I MYSELF needed him, well, that set off the anger in me that I had been holding in for 2 months now.

It wasnt pretty, but basically everything that I really wanted to say to him when I threw him out, came out last Thursday night. He knew i was angry. He sent the kids to go wait for him in the truck because they were staying that night with him. I was upset because he was bring them back at 7:30 the next morning, that I didnt expect, so I was going to be rushing around taking down christmas and getting house cleaned and ready for my Son's bday party and having to do it all in just a few hours that night....that upset me, plus him choosing the OW. Once again HE was in control. I had it. I let it alllll out....he just stood there. I called him every name I could think of, from a liar to an a$$, plus alot more.

HE stood there and took it...then left. I felt better. I know, I need to channel that anger away from him...but I needed this. I knew he knew how I felt, I just wanted myself to know he knew...

But its done now. He came to the bday party yesterday and it was like nothing happened. We got along fine. I just really needed to get it all out and let him know how angry I was at him for EVERYTHING he did to me and our family.

So no 2x4s, I know i shouldnt have done it, but its done and over now. I have started out my NEW year right and I feel lots better going into 2011.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!!

[kissak]

I forgot to mention that at midnight NYE, my H sent me a happy new year text, then again 15 min later he said happy new year love ya....

[ericmsant2]

Kissak

Happy New Year Kissak!

BTW, no 2x4 from me. Personally, I want to call him a few names that I cannot post here.

Having said this, one of the hardest realization that we need to come to is the acceptance that WE cannot control another. That we are NOT responsible for the actions of another. That we (and here is the kicker) DO MATTER. That our wholeness, our sanity, our love, our spirit IS NOT control or determined by another but really only by US.

Well, I have figured out a few things this weekend....

One~ never hold in the anger or it will just explode at some point.

two~ I am jealous that my H chooses the OW over doing something I Need. Need to work on that.

“Figuring out” and “doing something about” are TWO different things… the later is harder to do! So you’ve done the first step…what are gonna do for the second step?

Once again HE was in control.

AND WHO gives him control? Psst….hint…It ain’t me and it ain’t him…and it ain’t the milk man…nor is it anyone that posts here. So who give him control over YOU?

I just really needed to get it all out and let him know how angry I was at him for EVERYTHING he did to me and our family.

Glad you feel better. Oh…when you finally stop being a victim, you’ll feel better. He did what he did, continues to do what he does, he is in control right now…that is until someone (answer question above) takes control back.

I know i shouldnt have done it

Just wondering but WHY shouldn’t you have done it? The answer is for YOU not me.

I forgot to mention that at midnight NYE, my H sent me a happy new year text,

My W sent me one early on new years day as I was driving back home. Go figure. I call this batchit MLC crazy – guess what…I know I’m not crazy.

He came to the bday party yesterday and it was like nothing happened

So what does this ^^^^ tell you? Guess who is more detached? You or HIM? Hmmm……think about that and please answer who give him control over YOU.

God Bless,
Eric

[Mila]

Kissak - I totally understand the need to unload the anger...if you keep it inside it's festering and growing....and it's not the same to "channel it away from him"....so no 2x4s from me....this was for you, to make you feel better....and I'm sure that you won't do that on regular bases...

I find also that them just walking away from all the responsibilities of having a family and leaving us to deal with all that used to be a 2 people job is hard to deal with and very "anger producing" at times.

BTW mine sent me a Happy New Year text as well....while with OW....

You are an incredibly strong lady Kissak and I hope that you will have a wonderful New Year. A year of new beginnings for all of us...

(((hugs)))

[kissak]

Thanks Eric and Mila.

Eric, Im trying to figure out WHAT to do about things, the anger and jealousy. I know I am the one that gives him control over me. I know that...but telling my Heart that is a different story.

[ericmsant2]

Kissak,

I get it - I do. What I guess I want you to realize that all of this is a choice that we make.

This process is not an easy one to go through, how you go through it though is what is important.

Please, stop looking at him and his actions for a while and look inside YOU. Spend more energy in yourself and less energy on him.

God Bless,
Eric

[kissak]

My H decided to call me yesterday to tell me about the married woman that he had an affair with (although he denys it was during the time we were together) she called him and left a message on his work phone and personal phone yesterday. He thought I would find it just as weird as he did. Well, what does he expect? She called pretending she had amnesia and didnt know why she was calling those numbers or why they were in her phone. All I had to say to him about it was that he was just having to pay the consequences for his actions....she is crazy. She doesnt have amnesia but is telling people she does...lol. One day she will text him wanting to know why he wont talk to her anymore, he of course will just say "your H told me not to". I find it all funny. He is going to have a rough time getting rid of her. This woman thought she was going to be leaving her H in Jan for my H, till she found out he had a new gf...now the amnesia....lol. I would like to know why he wants to discuss her with me....maybe because he cant discuss it with his new gf?