Separated for 11 weeks (long)...

[thatgirl007]

2011 is off to a good start. I won tickets to an expensive musical and am making it a girl's night with a friend that I need to catch up with tonight. I am really looking forward to it.

On Sunday night, H announced he was going home to Detroit for a few days after we went to church together. He's from the Detroit area, where we met, and we moved to my hometown about 10 years ago when he had a job transfer. Over the years, he has brought up visiting home off and on, but rarely followed through with it. We normally go back there together for special occasions or funerals, etc. But he hasn't gone by himself since we were married. The thought of him going back always filled me with anxiety. Maybe he'd run into old girlfriends or cheat on me or any other number of varied horrific things! A bit of that anxiety crept back in at his announcement.

Then, I shook myself. Hello, thatgirl! He cheated on you here. He left you emotionally in 2009 and physically just 3 months ago. The worst has already happened, the other shoe has already hit the floor! And as a matter of fact, what kind of whacked out relationship do you want to be in, where you have to feel anxious about someone going home? If you lived away from your folks, wouldn't you want to go home when you felt like it without an albatross of guilt and doubt hanging around your neck?

It occurred to me that this is one of the things that was wrong in our M before. These crazy, whacked out thoughts and expectations. Mind you, I never voiced my anxiety to my H, but anxiety can be transmitted just by the way your breathing changes, your silence, your body language, you know?

So, I smiled - and it was a genuine smile. Here is an opportunity for H to feel free. Here is an opportunity for me to feel secure - all by myself. Worse case scenario, H connects or hooks up with some other woman, right? Well, been there and done that, cried the tears and visited the souvenir shop. I told H, "I really hope you have fun, you've been wanting to do this for years."

And off he went.

Before I could really miss him, he was texting me. He sent me pics of his old house and his hotel room and his mom and the restaurants we loved. He bought a deli sandwich at a place we absolutely love and texted me about how good it was. I texted back that I really wish I could taste it...something like: I can haz bite?

Do you know what happened? H drove 3 hours straight to bring me that sandwich. He came back to our city days earlier than expected and surprised me by knocking on my door. We spent the next few hours eating and reminiscing and you know what he said?

"Detroit's not the same without you."

Yep. Freedom rocks, you guys. Try it!