Thank you to everyone for your comments. I have read alot of the threads suggested and I think I understand more.
I spoke to my SIL last night, and it really set me back. Though my H family are supportive, they think I'm crazy for still holding on and advise me constantly to walk away and to not be a doormat, there exact words are "you deserve better". My SIL shared some comments my H made while he visited them at Christmas which crushed me because I was seeing a difference in the way he spoke to me as a glimmer of hope, but his comments which included "I'm going to try and make a go of it with the OW" and "My W and I just drifted apart" made me feel like I was reading too much into his words and just kidding myself. Snooping is definately not worth the effort.
Reading those other threads has helped me to understand my interaction with my H shouldnt be about my personal gain, but of being a friend that he can always rely on.....which i have to say does whiff abit of being a doormat after all the pain he has caused, but i guess if i want to achieve my goal of being back together then its something i hope i can deal with.
But what if it never works out between us? He will have got what he wanted....the great escape...and I will be the biggest looser of all time. I guess my worries are I dont know if I can be happy being just his friend, I dont want to go hrough all this just to end up divorced buddies. I dont know if Im strong enough for that.
