# 73 - Ocean

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Maria, I guess you are away, I hope you and your H and kids manage to have a little fun, or maybe just some relaxation. Yes, stress can cause your chest to feel heavy and your heart to fluctuate, I get that too.

Its a very hard time for you and you are bound to feel resentments towards your H more keenly right now, because you are wounded and vunerable after losing your Dad. It heightens everything. Try and accept this and not place too much 'importance' on it. You cant have your parents marriage, as Kat says. Your parents married in a very different time and era, when marriage WAS for life and people had less choices, or believed that they did. Walking out on kids and getting divorced was uncommon and frowned upon 40 years ago! I really feel for your Mum and its stories like that that make me want to be sure I feel things NOW, not look back and regret the conversations I could have and should of had.

I watched a programme last night about Siberia. An amazing man ran a spiritual retreat there. He said, we should feel more, and think less. We should ignore all the information flying at us. We should instead notice that we are just sat, with a loved one, or talking to a friend. To feel that. Feel the sun and the wind in your face. Just be in the here and now.

It really touched me and maybe that kind of thinking will help you through the coming days and weeks.

I hope people are talking to you about your Dad, H, your brother, friends etc. You need to cycle over the memories. Just becuase someone has physically gone, doesnt mean that they are gone from your heart and mind. That was the biggest thing that hurt H after his Dad died - within weeks, noone ever mentioned his Dad to him. Like they were afraid to.

Much love and hugs, always here for you,
Al xxx