My last thread is getting a bit long, it is a new year, and my situation has had some interesting developments of late that suggest that XH's attitude may be changing so I think it's time to start a new thread. I'm calling it "Is the tide turning??????" because I think that by the end of this thread I will know the answer to that question (yes or no) and I hope to know whether I will continue to stand at that point. Here are the links to my old threads:
I want to thank everyone who posted so many great comments over the past two weeks on my old thread. I have gotten behind in responding and now I REALLY need to find a time to sit down and reply. I'm VERY sorry!!!! In particular, Missher, I REALLY appreciate your feedback on the question of inviting XH to a movie!!!!!!! You were right! (I didn't ask XH to movie........playing it cool )..........and thanks for not hitting me with a 2 x 4. (Phew!!!!!!) I was able to cover up my bruise from your "finger flick" with a little concealer. I had gotten so used to making these kind of friendly gestures (i.e. movie invite) when I was trying to get to the "friendship stage" that now I need reminders to shift my focus, now that I am trying to get to the "romance stage". The events of last fall confirmed for me that I do NOT want to be just a friend to XH. I am not going to give him a big ultimatum in this regard......but I am going to try to shape his behavior.
Over the past few days there have been a couple noteworthy developments and I want to journal these here so that I don't forget. Here goes:
--XH texted my sister happy birthday wishes on her birthday, just as he said he would. My sister was very pleased and I texted XH telling him that sister said it was a nice surprise for her. --I exchanged New Years greetings with XH's sister. --XH and I e-mailed a few times since last Wednesday's TT game. He sent his insurance agent friend an e-mail asking for the name of his arborist and copied me. In one of these exchanges before New Years I sent XH a photo of the Waterford crystal ball (Times Square ball). XH had taken this photo when we toured the Waterford crystal factory in Ireland together..........I wanted to send XH a subtle reminder of a fun time we'd spent together. --XH e-mailed me the e-mail address of his Florida BMF (friend for 30 years). I haven't communicated with him since the bomb. --I e-mailed both (1) XH's insurance agent/friend and (2) Florida BMF and copied XH so that he knows what I said to them.
Here's the interesting part.............Both of XH's friends replied to my e-mails the very first thing this morning (first day back at work). Both e-mails were very friendly and warm.
Of particular note was my exchange with Florida BMF. I had written him (remember I CC'ed XH on this) "Hi FL BMF, I’m not sure whether you recognize my name in my e-mail address, but we once spent a week together on a Caribbean cruise……and hardly ever saw one another. I think you and Mrs. FL BMF were spending a lot of time alone in your cabin, celebrating your anniversary, if I recall correctly. ;-) ;-) ;-)".........The truth is that it was actually XH and I who spent almost the entire cruise in our cabin (wink, wink) and FL BMF was pretty annoyed at the time because he had wanted to catch up with his old friend......By CC'ing XH on this I reminded him of the intensity of the passion we shared at that time in our lives.
Here's the interesting part...........FL BMF responded "Thats funny ! But I recall the time spent in the cabin to have been a pleasure pen for you two little monkeys." Then he said "This is an unexpected pleasure !! ...................I understand you..... have a much better job with alot of free time. Is that a concept or what! Congratulations on your boldness to make the move ..We are happy for you, now you can generate a life........It was really nice hearing from you. I hope your holidays were all you expected and Santa took care of you! Stay in touch. FL BMF"...............so a very, warm friendly response and an invitation to "stay in touch". SCORE!!!!!!!!!! FL BMF has been M'ed for about 30 years and is a very stable family man.
FL BMF is the type of person who doesn't filter what he says. He says whatever comes into his mind. I'm sure he was on the phone with XH today talking about this...............It will be interesting to see what comes of THAT interaction after it percolates a bit.
To me, the significance of all of these things is that they may constitute steps toward reconnection for both of us with each other's family and friends. (YEAH!!!!)
No TT game scheduled with XH for this week yet. I'm waiting to see if he suggests it. That's all for now.
)..........and thanks for not hitting me with a 2 x 4. (Phew!!!!!!) I was able to cover up my bruise from your "finger flick" with a little concealer. 
I had gotten so used to making these kind of friendly gestures (i.e. movie invite) when I was trying to get to the "friendship stage" that now I need reminders to shift my focus, now that I am trying to get to the "romance stage". The events of last fall confirmed for me that I do NOT want to be just a friend to XH. I am not going to give him a big ultimatum in this regard......but I am going to try to shape his behavior. 
