Honey, listen carefully, you did nothing wrong. You just love a man who is really and truly broken. And he tried to hold it in so long until he couldnt any longer.
Nothing you did or didnt do, said or didnt say would have made any difference. He is broken.
As you travel on this journey, things begin to happen. Things start to become clearer. You start to "see" things in a different light. Yo begin to understand why things werent exactly as they seemed.
It's hard sometimes, these realizations.
What happened was, you loved this man and that's what you saw.
Do not blame yourself for not knowing. How could you have known that?
But, IB, your dream included a man who respected women, who was whole and well. That was not your h.
Let me tell you a story.
Two week before the bomb, my h wrote me a beautiful card. He wrote wonderful, warm, loving things in it. We still had a very affectionate. loving, physical relationship even two days before the bomb.
Why did I not see? I saw what he showed me. I saw the man I loved being loving. The fault was not mine.
As my story unfolded, slowly, over time, I have come to realize that my h was never really who I made him out to be. He was just a man, with faults, who didnt always make me feel good about myself. Who put me down and blamed me and all of this made me feel unworthy. I allowed myself to be made to feel that way. I take ownership of my part.
My point is, when you are living life, when you are in the thick of it, and love is involved, we dont always see it clearly.
So, stop being so hard on yourself. You did the best you could with the tools and info you had at the time.
As for your heart. It is right in there. Your friends and family see it, your children, those of us on here.
It is intact, albeit, bruised. But I promise you, as you go through this, that you will realize so much about you, your worth, your abilities and your compacity for compassion.
And hopefully, you will learn to forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong, IB. You just loved.
