TAMF's Christmas Miracle?

[Albuquerque]

"cause I am going to need you like I have never needed anyone in my life".

While he was saying this, I swear he was all choked up with emotion.

TAMF,

You know I love you. And for the record, I stood up and applauded (figuratively), when I read Eric's post. That ^^^^ that I quoted above is one of your biggest problems. You NEED to be needed. It's not a want. We all want to have someone. It's a pit in the soul NEED for you. So when your H starts giving you this line he's giving you EXACTLY what you are craving (and he knows it consciously or subconsciously). Here's how I see it.

You and I have discussed previously the need to become your own person. Like PEI says, you need to take a good hard look in the mirror and see what it is that you are NEEDING from a relationship. Then take an even harder look and figure out why. In a healthy relationship you should NEED absolutely nothing. Love, affection, trust, companionship. That should be freely shared. We cannot RELY on another human being for our needs. We need to find away to be comfortable within ourselves ALONE. Paradoxically, that is the only way we can have a truly healthy relationship with someone else.

You have not separated yourself from him. You continue to try and get him to love you. Get him to wake up. Get him to see what he's doing to his D's. Get him to realize what he's losing. Get him to leave the OW. Get him to open up to you about his feelings. Get my drift? I know you've heard this before. So I'll say it slow and loud.


S T O P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S T O P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
S T O P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU cannot fix him. YOU cannot get him to leave OW. YOU cannot fix his relationship with his mom. He needs to do all these things ON HIS OWN! YOU CANNOT be there FOR him to do this. He is refusing to stand on his own two feet and do this. He is dragging you into his mess and you are ALLOWING it by thinking that you will SUPPORT him through this. You cannot. He MUST go through it alone.

So many times you've heard it said, believe none of what they say and 50% of what they do. You and I have both discussed the fact that MLC makes them LIARS. Words are meaningless. You CANNOT believe a WORD he says. Yet you continue to whole-heartedly believe the words he says because they are the words you WANT to hear. You know he's a liar. Yet you believe. In a way, you shouldn't be mad at him. You should be mad at yourself for continuing to fall for his shenanigans.

Live your life TAMF. Look deep into yourself and figure out what you need to work on in yourself so that you aren't constantly needing a man to validate you. Stop making demands on your H. He's in MLC land. His brain is not functioning properly making him an idiot liar. He's not to be trusted or depended upon. Let him do his own thing. If he comes back, great. If not, it's not really surprising. If he DOES come back, it's not your R, you should both be working on. It's yourselves. He has internal work he needs to do. I don't see him "getting" that if he's depending on you to shoulder him through his mess.

You CLEARLY have not detached. You must. His actions still cause you to flip out. Not good. You must find that inner patience within. If you continue to stand for your M, then this is crucial, especially during reconciliation, when and if that happens. If you decide to end it, you still need to detach because it will be a useful skill to deal with H in the future.

Like I said, I love ya and got your texts about recent incidents. Can't call now due to company, but we can chat more later this week. Just wanted to get this out there while it was fresh in my mind.