I apologize because this is becoming a hijack, but you have interest in the subject, so I'll continue.
Sandi2--
I think a lot really depends on the kind of relationship you started with.
And it is interesting in the last few years that some folks really want to debate the topics. And folks give advice based on their opinion without really getting a lot more information out from the original poster, trying to find out their spouse's perspective. But that isn't useful or helpful and can be disastrous.
You don't do that, sandi, you really try to get to know someone before giving advice, and that's really wonderful. And you put in a LOT of time doing so, so I want to thank you from all of us at DB, because you are definitely an asset to the board. You have run in board circles that do call DB the "Little Bo Peep" approach, among other things, which means they really do not understand DB. I think you do, though.
You know how disrespectful YOU were in the affair, and what you've seen others do. You don't know what is going on in most posters lives. You only first know what they describe.
Virginia (not Walking, but our administrator), often says,
Quote:
one man's good advice is another man's downfall.
Marriages that are built on deep caring, mutual trust, great friendship, closeness, are not easily saved by coldness, the hard line.
Quote:
I find it hard to defend as not being a door-mat response from a LBS(especially when people call DB "The Little Bo-Peep Approach"), but mostly b/c it really goes against the grain for me.....
You also don't need to defend it. This isn't a site to defend the DB approach, it's the site to teach and learn how to use it well. It's the site to brainstorm DB techniques. There are other places for other techniques, so don't worry about defending it, and please feel free to tell your story about what works for you and why. What you do here is beautiful.
Like attracts like. Real love, exhibited in real giving, is extremely attractive. So in David's case, really caring for his wife no strings attached was extremely attractive, and I'll bet it had EVERYTHING to do with delivery. One person giving freely as a friend can do so, and it seems needy, and another person can do so and it is just freeing. I can think of friends who come across both ways. I'll bet you can too. I'm sure David was the latter.
So feel free to ask more questions, if you need them, this is out of respect for you, Mrs B and others on this thread--there is no need to justify for those who want to criticize it. You can only teach/explain to someone who is open.
