First some observations. Your fear is driving you. The fear of what she is doing or what she will choose.
As long as you let this emtotion rule you, you will remain stuck.
That is why we say detach. This is the hardest part IMO because everything is fresh and painful.
You will want to fight back to everything she says that goes against what you want.
When you fight back you justify her reasons for leaving. You are still that jerk that has not been listening to her.
Every time you tell her you think your M can still work you are telling her "I don't care what you want, I want what I want. And I want it right now!"
Look this didn't happen overnight and won't get fixed overnight.
Also I know you love your SS and want to be with him but IMO she sees your efforts as pressure on the R. Be honest with yourself and make sure you are not using SS for that purpose.
If you are stop.
Keep children out of harms way at all times would be my advice. So how you apply that takes some thinking on your part.
Your W has some complaints against you. I am sure some are valid. The ones that sting. Female friends that are not friends of the Marriage?
When you get the fear out of your head and start detaching her picture of you may become clearer. Then your reflection may become clearer to you as well.
Find what you don't like in the mirror and kill it.
Kill it by living it, not by TELLING your W you've changed.
She will sniff out your BS changes like a drug dog at the Miami airport.
Have you noticed how she challenges you about your changes?
Your dress. The house. Your dating situation.
The normal reaction is to defend yourself about everything.
How is that working so far?
Try something different Denver.
Originally Posted By: Denver
W says that I chose to leave M long before she did, I disagreed and said that I never physically left, that I never left M in my heart or my mind, that I was always proud that she was my W. I reiterated that I understand why she feels like she does, that I messed up, that I was depressed and just didn’t see it.
Lots about you up there. I lot of talking that she has heard already?
Next time....
STFU and just listen...for a change.
This is hard sh!t Denver and you are new at it.
It will take a while but you can do it. There ain't no magic pill.
Only way through it is through it.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
