why doesn't your wife speak up or take initiative when things involve her?
So why doesn't your wife speak her wishes? and what can you do to help her begin to?
I believe she has made some improvement over the past year with this, but it still is a consistent pattern for her. I don't know what role I may have played with it in the past, though I believe it is her issue.
Morning CL, and happy new year. I guess that's the thing about patterns. What I've found, is that whenever I see a pattern in my H that I'm unhappy with, there's always, always a pattern I'm playing along with it, that is actually helping to sustain and reinforce his part of it.
Note here... when I say 'sustain it' I don't mean 'cause' it. I don't think either party 'causes' a pattern to happen. To assess it that way can induce blame, self-blame and guilt. Which of course defeats the creativity and mutual compassion we need to change the pattern in the first place. When two people live together for a long time I think they just happen.
Anyways, I'd suggest giving more serious thought to what you said - "I don't know what role I may have played with it in the past". In saying that, I want to stress again that I'm not saying you've caused this or are to blame. Just that we can change an awful lot in these patterns - even in other person's role in it, by changing our own behaviors in it first.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
