My heart went out to you when I read this post. I too have wondered why this whole thing doesn't get more attention. It is very hard to explain what happened to anyone who didn't know my h pre-MLC. In fact I don't even try.
I suspect that the full blown total change that we see so often described here is actually quite rare in society as a whole. I don't know anyone in the 'real world' who had this happen - although I have two friends whose h's had mild MLC crises, which lasted a few months. They have been hugely supportive because they got a glimpse of the dark side.
Some of us want to understand, others say it isn't necessary, just detach. I am glad I spent a long time reading and finding out what was likely going on with my h, psychologically, because I don't want to live in such a random world where 'these things happen' as some people say. They don't, the seeds were planted a long time ago, and actually I think those of us who had very happy marriages kept these poor crazy people going for longer than they might otherwise have managed. One could say we enabled them to some extent as well . . .
Work on detachment, as all of us need to, and one day it will be OK. It was terrifying to me how someone could change so dramatically. Now I understand more about it, it disturbs me less. My bomb was more than 5 years ago, and the poor man is still stuck in depression, having wrecked his life. What a fate. There are no winners in this, but as Holly said it is a clarion call in our life, which perhaps we only fully see later on. .
