((((HUGS))))) I'm sorry for the pain you're in right now. The comment about him killing you again hit me at the core. I dreamed the other night that my H and I were back together a year or so from now only to find out he was still seeing OW on the side. I had a dream sequence very similar to your real-life one and THAT left me shaken in the morning, so I'm stunned to read your real-life experience.

There is a lot to process there, and I do think that the best thing for you to do is sit back right now and do nothing as you say you will other than to go back to your place of stability for yourself and your kids.

One thing that bugs me is that if I'm reading this correctly, you were going to go out hiking with him and did not because of ice, and it seems like the second you didn't do something with him that he wanted to do, he immediately contacted/saw her, like it seemed to come so easily to him to just go right back into it with her. There is no sense of him even beginning to give her signs that he is breaking it off, either, from those texts. Clearly on that day he held both of you to him in a loving relationship. How can someone do that? How can someone feel the same thing for two different people? But you know, a friend of mine started an affair and then ended it before it got out of control, and she said she would compartmentalize her relationships with her H and her soon-to-be-lover. She said that it was possible to just shut off the feelings for one when around the other.

My advice is that you have to stop allowing him all this contact till OW is out of the picture and you can be reasonably sure of that. Somehow he has to prove that to you. He can have contact with his kids but he can't be hugging you and holding you and cuddling. That's only messing with your head. I can see why you let him in to that level. His words to you sound very convincing, and couple that with the body language, the look in his eye, all that stuff, I can see why you got sucked in, but you're getting burned already. You have to be strong enough to stop him from setting that fire.


M45
Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11
Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy
"Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying