Am I piecing? Just can't tell 2...

[Sad_but_happy]

Well... I have to say that not talking about R really seems to work. The mind of a WAS is very complex. They don't feel guilt partially because they feel that it was the LBS that neglected them and so they are justified in their actions.

Also, I encourage everyone to read "Surrendering to Marriage" because it places the focus on the fact that you CAN'T be happy all the time and there are struggles you must face no matter who you choose for a mate. It focuses on the security and warmth of a steady relationship instead of continually looking for more excitment elsewhere which often leads to lonliness.

Case in point:
Here are two scinerios I read... What would you rather have?

1. You walk in the door (as a man) to a new relationship of 6 months after a hard days work. The NEW partner is waiting and greets you half dressed with open arms, and tons of affection. She leads you into the bedroom and proceeds to do things you only dream about.

2. You walk in the door (as a man) to a relationship of 30 years after a hard days work. Your partner is waiting and greets you with the following words, "Oh, I'm so glad you're home. Please scoop the litter box".

The questions posed are these;
1. Who are you more apt to pay more attention to? Buy things for? talk to romantically? Most likely number 1.

2. Who deserves it more? Definately number 2.

the moral of the story is that the woman of your 30 year relationship deserves it much more. She had your children, she takes care of your home, she takes care of you... BUT IT TAKES EFFORT!!! YOU HAVE TO WORK AT IT!!! AND SO DOES SHE!!!


Update on my sitch...
Last night we had a breakthrough... We started the day with breakfast, then we went to a local place to watch some football with friends. We then went home and had more friends come over and watched another game. Wife made some great food and we sat together on our big chair and ate and drank all day. Was lots of fun. After our friends left we sat very close on the chair and watched some TV, had popcorn and a little more to drink. We were not drunk or even feeling it as we paced ourselves all day.

We finished reading "Surrendering to marriage" and then stayed in bed talking for a little while. As we were settling into bed I had my arm around W and was falling asleep. All of a sudden it happened. The first sign of affection from W since mid-September. She took her arm and placed it across my chest. I can't tell you how big a step this is. After months of only ME showing small signs of affection this was HER very first sign.

I didn't make any big deal of it but I have to say I was smiling inside. It's almost like after all these months of hard work someone finally notices your efforts and rewards you.

One small step for W, one giant leap for M...


I also have to say that I have come so close to talking about R many times. But have only slipped up once in the last 3 months.

Thanks to Harrier and Sandi. They reminded me to just enjoy W and not expect more then I am getting in the moment. That's a hard thing to do. BUT IT DOES WORK! In the WAS mind they ARE moving on with the R. So any negitive talk about R sets THEM back and makes THEM feel like YOUR not moving forward.

Happy New Year Fellow DB'ers...