I found a lot of solice and my own clarity by just sitting in the chapel. I was raised Catholic so I understand why that may be a quiet place for you.
I am happy that you found a place for you to be at peace and listen.
Inside you are all your answers. When you can come to that clarity and that calm place you will realize that this is all about you.
Not what your W does or doesn't do. What you choose here is important for you, your family and your W.
The questions I asked you about what does it look like when you will consider taking your W back.
Those were for you. Your answer that you don't want her back the way she is now...
That is for you too. Read your own words and then understand what they really mean.
Your "aha" moment in the chapel is a good one IMO.
It will help you understand that your vows are not just for when your W is healthy and happy.
They are especially for when she is scared and unsure. When she is so scared she runs away. She will keep running toward where she thinks the answer lies.
Today that happens not to be in your direction.
BUT if she does begin to look back. If she does look inside.
Maybe
She can see you standing as a light in the distance.
This journey is for you Pickle. You will find out some amazing things when you decide to travel this path.
At least that is what I experienced.
One more thing. You will be tempted to tell her about all this that you decided and your prayers and what they mean to you.
Don't. It will be pressure. Keep this for yourself. And live what you decide.
Show her don't tell her.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
