There are some here that believe "tough love" is the best love and I am one of those believers. I believe by removing her from the household, albeit symbolically, will eventually bring her back to you much faster and with the desired results. By playing footsie with her while she enjoys the freedom of two homes is foolhardy!!
Wishing you the very, very best, tpc. Get ready for the battle of your life. What steps are you and your W taking to assist you in working through this and giving it both of your best?
Marriage counseling? Retro? Books?
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Marriage counseling. Once a week with a pastor and a friend. We both agreed he was a perfect choice. He's straight to the point, helpful, friendly.
Right now we're at her parents for the holidays. To me it's odd, almost unexplainable. I feel like a new boyfriend trying to make an impression yet I've known all these people for 13 years or more.
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
Right now I'm trying to find happy ground between too clingy and too distant. My wife claims that she understands but I think it's getting to her. I don't want to separate myself from her. When I'm at work, I want to be next to her - if not only for physical contact, also for keeping an eye on her.
She's at home alone during the day. No job. No real hobbies. What's she thinking? What's she really doing? What does she want to do?
The past few weeks have been pretty good. The holidays helped keep us close since I was on vacation. We traveled together and shopped together and spent a lot of time right next to each other. At the in-laws everyone noticed how different I was (in a good way). They all made comments to her. To me it was motivating. To her, I'm not real sure.
I want to be a different man to her but am I doing it all for not. Is she trying to find the right time to pack up and go to 'the better man?' If she's still holding on to that dream then we cannot walk together down this road. Someone else is tugging on her to walk a different path. Hopefully she has really let go like she claims. It will be much easier to see the bumps in the road without tinted glasses.
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
How can you tell if the other relationship is truly severed? Yeah, they've told you. You even stood there when they called them and told them it was over. But the trust is lost and tough to rebuild.
Trust. That's what it's about, right? Without it you really can't feel comfortable in your relationship. I feel like a domineering fool wanting to look at her cell phone, computer stuff, etc. I don't want her to stay up past me or anything. But there she is, at home alone and able to do whatever.
I almost feel like a fool. She can do what she wants and when and I'm too stupid to know. I mean, she did it before. What makes the big difference now?
I need this. This tangible thing to know we're moving forward. The feeling that I'm trying to move forward alone is disheartening.
To love someone like this. To forgive. To even feel at fault for it. I want to hold her up and make it better - make her better.
Me:42 W:43 M:03/08/98 SD17, D13 Found out about affair:12/16/10 Found out again: 06/22/12 Split: 06/22/12
