I can do this...

[irishblessings]

Frustration continues....H calls S at 10:30pm - wants to build a healthy relationship with him. S is fed up, tired, frustrated - why now, why this late, etc. I let him handle it.

Next H starts texting me - just in case I wasn't home - he just talked with S and "pushed" him kind of hard and left him pretty upset. I responded - yes, I am home. More texts from him - just seeking healthy relationship with "all" of us and if not "all" then at least with the kids. I call - don't want to text. Ask for him to please follow schedule of Weds evening and Saturday morning. Let that be consistent. No, he wants S to spend the night. S does not want to. I let him know that the decision is up to S - he is 17. He says "why wouldn't he want to come" - I say "well, why doesn't he want to come stay with you and see all your new furniture, tvs, etc.? maybe some of it has to do with the fact that when you left - you left our house in disrepair. We haven't had new furniture, etc. in YEARS - rooms aren't finished, etc." H goes silent. I said "yes, I know here she goes being the b**ch again - then I said - you know what, no I am not a b**ch. I am here everyday for S and I'm keeping this home going. I'm not interfering in your access to any of the kids - your relationship with them is your responsibility."

I'm just venting here. I know that I could have just as easily stayed silent. And to be honest I caught the old voice in my head going "oh no now he'll never come back" - I HATE that voice! I know that he is not coming back. I read a great book yesterday about runaway husbands. Not a hopeful one for reconciliation - but very brutally honest about the narcissism, arrogance, and detachment with these men. The more that I have read about the connection between MLC and dysfunctional childhood - the more I can see it.

Anyway - blah!!!!!!!!!!! What I really wanted to say to him was the best thing you can do is stay as far away as possible. But I didn't.

Thanks for listening!