I think you're navigating through this well. You're realizing what you did contribute to things going awry and realizing that it's not all you. You aren't the whole cause of things going bad, but you're not powerless to change them either.
I like your statement, and maybe we could modify it to trigger some of the sweet side of your wife:
"W I understand that you feel this way and that our M was not good the last 10 months, but still believe that we can change the things that went wrong and that we can have a great M. While I won't stop you, I do not want D and am not going to file or pay for it to be filed."
What triggered me to try to soften it was the word 'respect'. And there's nothing wrong with it, it's a good word. I have just read other books that encourage women to respect men and men to cherish women's feelings. If she was this kind of woman--really soft and feminine, you might touch her heart softening it. So I gave it a try, you might want to revise it yourself. Again, there is nothing wrong with your original words. My partner likes me more when I'm soft and sweet too, so I was just thinking of some of our interactions.
Making the changes in the middle of the heartbreak you're had is so commendable. Working to forgive her and work on your marriage is about as beautiful an act of love as it gets. I'm so glad you took the step to talk to a DB Coach, because you are getting expert direction. I know enough about the coaches to know that it's very difficult to be chosen as a coach. But you're a professional, and I imagine you checked that out.
Quote:
I think that I got so far caught up in our financial security and worries that I got depressed and forgot how to enjoy life. I am trying to relearn. I have been spending a lot of time with friends and family. Going out again. going back to gym as of tomorrow. trying to learn not to take work stress home with me. Letting go of life's worries a little more. I come here when I get sad or afraid, and/or I focus on being in the present moment, i.e. think to myself that there is nothing in the present moment causing me pain or making life unpleasant.
Getting back to the gym, investing in yourself, focusing on the present--all of this is so important. You deserve to enjoy your life, and I pray your wife wakes up and works with you on this. I hope you get the wonderful marriage back that fills your life with joy. I believe you will.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
