Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[ScaredinCanada]

So the wedding was very difficult.

When we got to the hotel the rehearsal was in the evening on Thursday and my W was originally just going to stay in the room. So we went and had some time to kill, so I asked her if she wanted to stop by my brothers room or goto the bar. She picked the bar since she worried that my parents might be at my brothers room.

On our way to the bar we were walking down these winding stairs down to a lobby and who do we run into - my parents!

They walked up to us and said "Hi" gave us both hugs and asked us where we were headed. We told them we were going to the bar for a drink and she decieded to join us. I could tell my W wasn't really happy with, but it went quick as we only had time for 1 drink each. My F picked up the tab which was nice.

We ran through the wedding 3 times and things went pretty well. It took about 1.5 hours and then we headed to the bar with everyone to have some appetizers and some drinks. My brother and his fiance gave out gifts to the wedding party which was nice, and my W sat talking with my SIL so it seemeded like she was enjoying herself.

we were both sick so we left the party a bit early to try and get some extra rest. My W had to get up at 8am for hair and makeup, she woke me up and asked me what time I had to meet my brother the rest of the guys, I told her 11am and that I was going back to sleep. She actually gave me a hug and told me to have fun and she'd see later.

She actually came back around 10am and woke me up. Her hair and make up looked really good. She told me that she didn't know what she was going to do until the wedding (which was at 3pm) since I would be with guys getting ready and she didn't want to hang out with the girls because my M would be there too. Turns out she went into town and looked around and grabbed lunch - by herself.

The wedding was beautiful, my SIL to be looked amazing and her dress was stunning. My W also looked unbelievable in her dress.

After the ceremony we went for pictures, which was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed it. Once pictures were done I found my W waiting around, and she complained that my M had not even spoken to her or acknowledge her.

We went for cocktails at 5pm, and we just talked with some of the people attending the wedding and had some appetizers.

The reception moved along really slow, and there were only 3 course for the meal - for once I didn't feel like there was too much food at a wedding! My W complained that she was still hungry. There was also an issue with the heating and everyone at the tables around us were complaining about how cold it was - including my W, so I put my tux jacket around her.

The speeches were nice (I didn't do one), and they cut the cake and had the first dance. They then said that all the couple had to come up for the next dance. My W actually got up and came to dance with me - it was probably the highlight of my entire day, it just felt so good to hold her and dance with her but we didn't kiss.

Shortly after that my W said she really wasn't feeling good so she wanted to go back to the room to lie down for a bit. She asked me to walk her back - which I did. It was around 9:15pm, and I asked her if she could make sure to come back before midnight for the New Years celebration, as I really wanted to spend it with my W. She promised me she back down by 11:30pm. 11:30pm came and went and I was just watching for her to walk through the door but soon people were drinking champaine and yelling happy New Year. I was a mess, just devasted that she just sleep through. So I decided it would be best to go check on her and make sure she was ok. I get back to the room and SHE'S NOT THERE!! So now I am panicing, thinking she's literally left me here and gone home (over an hour drive home).

I go back to the reception to see if somehow we've just missed each other. She's not there, so I head back to the room and she's in the room! So I immediately asked her were she was because she said she was going to be sleeping.

She had decieded that she wanted to go and see her M on New Years, so she drove all the way home without telling me and said that she had planned to be back in time to celebrate New Years with me. I told her she was lieing, that she had fully intended to drive back home and she didn't care if she came back to be with me for New Years. She said she honestly believed "That you wouldn't care if I was there." I course that just made me angry, I told her that all I wanted was to spend it with her, and that I couldn't believe that she didn't care enough to tell me so I wouldn't be waiting around for her.

The craziest part of the night was shortly after New Years one of my SIL's friends was hitting on me like crazy. Telling me "it's your brothers wedding and New Years, you don't want to be sad you want to remember this night for your entire life" and she tried to kiss me on the lips. I just turned to the side and hugged her and said Happy New Year.

So back to my W, she says to me "well we go back down to the reception now and have a drink together". So we head down, and the bar is closed (it was about 1am), so I went and found my brother and told him everything was wonderful and I loved him and that we were going to bed.

That's what we did, but before we feel asleep my W told me that she still loves me and cares about me, which made me believe that we at least moving forward in a positive way. She wasn't drinking, so there was no reason to think it alcohol induced. So this morning, I said I was at least happy that she said she still loves me and that I hoped it was something we could build on. To which she responds "I just meant that I'll obviously always have love for you as the father of my children" again flooring me. That's not what she said to me. She then proceeded to tell me that she just "doesn't want to be with me" and she's not sure how that can be positive or how it's something we can possibly work on. I just told her I wished she wouldn't be so negative. Then she proceeded to complain that we didn't ML on our wedding night, and that we never EVER spend time just the 2 of us.

Needless to say I'm feeling really depressed right now, but I'm also really angry with my M. She is no longer treating my W without respect. She has it coming from me. I don't care what the consequences are...