I think Mila hit the nail on the head about H's actions.
I understand how you kept the joint account as a thread between you and H. I don't remember you writing about H doing funny things with your joint checking account. If that's the case then it sounds as though he has been pretty trustworthy on that end. That's the way it was with XH and me. Even though he had "brain freezes" from time to time, I don't think he intentionally did things to hurt me. It's just always annoying to be surprised when you find things H has done that they didn't warn you about. It always took me awhile to reset my attitude after those surprises.
Antonia's reminder about hope is a good one.
Here's wishing you peace and prosperity in 2011. We don't know what lies before us, but we have within us the strength and the wisdom to determine our own destinies.
I think when H changed his automatic deposit and opened a new account, leaving me with nothing, it hurt me worse than even the physical betrayal of the affair. After all, we were a couple for 20 years. I always took care of the finances and had built the security that we had. It hurt deeply.
That attachment of the same account, if I understand correctly, this is the first time anything like this has happened. Perhaps you should just ask him his reasoning before going to the extreme of removing his name from the account. It's a link he has apparently not been willing to give up, perhaps it's just a misunderstanding. If not, then, by all means go ahead. I just changed accounts and opened a new one of my own, so he couldn't accuse me of anything.
Oh yes Anotnia...I am bursting with hope! My problem is that I haven't figured out to hope without expectations! It gets me every time!!!
SA-thankyou my friend!
GAG! Always the optimistic one! You and punkin are correct...it was a thread that I was wanting to keep between H and I and no, he had not abused it at all. Money has always been a hot button with me....
It is funny after eveything they put us thru, that even the smallest of things they do can still hurt so bad! You' think we'd be so calloused up by now that nothing would faze us! Or oops, is that part of being detached??? Guess I am not totally there yet even after all of this time! I do seem to recover more quickly though!
Thankyou guys for all of your thoughts!
I am wishing the best for all of us in 2011!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
