I have six 4th and 5th grade boys in the basement tonight. They have vowed to stay awake until midnight or later. One of the friend's parents came to the slumber party for a few hours--we had a glass of wine (or two) and watched a pretty intense Nerf gun fight. Really, things are good.
What will be good about 2011? It will be good to do the things that I want to do--what feels right in my heart. My XH would NEVER have done a New Year's Eve slumber party--too loud, too messy, too inconvenient, but my kids are having a good time. It will be a nice memory for them in what has otherwise been a hard year.
In 2011, I will create nice memories while enjoying the moment. I will use good boundaries to keep OUT XH and his insanity. Minimal contact. I will be the best mom I can be--that's my primary duty right now. And, of course, I will get in shape and eat better (nothing new there!) I will have a few more dates -- because I can, and there are nice men out there. I will read some good books, and I will take the boys to Italy.
I will try not to think of more ways to describe OW. But they are SOOOOOOO good--she looks like a cross between a porn star and someone's spinster aunt. She looks like someone you'd see at an amusement park eating a corn dog. She looks like a cartoon version of someone freakish and grotesque--my 10 year old says she has "stage 4 breasts". She is total white trash, and my XH is a hugs snob, so its pretty shocking to see. And he keeps trying to tell me how sad he is about Christmas and how hard its been!!!
OK...I guess I've broken the resolution, but its not 2011 yet. In 2011, 2 hours from now, I won't waste a minute thinking of those things!!! 2011 won't be about XH and OW, but about MY world. It will be about me and my kids and my family and my friends. I think it will be a good year!
I know my ex DID love me, but now I can see, he didn't know how to fully embrace who I am. So I'm going for a different kind of love next time - someone who can love ME the way I love THEM.
Gabbys mom , you did make me laugh, and yes, they go for someone "less than", I believe--someone who will make them feel like they walk on water instead of a mutual relationship. KML--I'm sorry that your "ex" didn't embrace who you are. I think that's common.
OK. Confession. I broke my resolution on 1/2.
My sons are 10 and 11. Against my wishes, XH bought them Halo, rated "M" for Christmas. They are also constantly watching R rated movies with him. Yesterday I went to see The Fighter and felt like I was going to throw up because he had taken my sons to that movie. It might be OK for a 16 year old, but not a 10 and 11 year old. So, I texted him that I felt like throwing up, because I did. I had to leave the movie because I was so sick that my kids are surrounded by things that are inappropriate for them. I told him that he has stolen my children's innocence. That he is a 14 year old in a Brooks Brother's suit. I used some explicitives as well.
He has had OW sleeping over there since the first day they met her. He said that he consulted with "professionals" about introducing her to them. I'm sure that no "professional" would say that its a good plan to introduce your kids to your girlfriend on the first day of school, with a trip to an amusement park, followed by OW spending the night at your house, and having breakfast with her on the 2nd day of school. They are watching horror movies, R rated movies, and eating junk food over there every day. In between, they go to amusement parks. I texted him that he is a teenager -- a 14 year old in a Brooks Brother's suit. I used some explicitives as well.
This morning he sent me an e-mail saying that I have anger management issues, and I should call him to discuss these things. I don't have anger management issues--I'm very angry at him, but I am a very calm and rational person. I've tried talking to him about these things and it is a complete waste of my time and energy--he only engages me to make himself believe we are "co-parenting" and then he goes and does exactly what he wants. He told the boys that he wasn't going to buy them any video games without my consent--and then he goes and does it anyway. Honestly, he is like a teenage babysitter when they are with him.
I am trying to figure out how to set a good moral example for my sons without being the heavy. It is so hard. I really do want to throw up when I think of the example he has set for them. Lying, cheating, doing whatever feels good, and having "fun" are what life is all about. UGH!!!!!!
Happy 2011 everyone; it's going to be a great year!
I was a fitness instructor for 20 years and continue to be a "gym rat." My XH chose a chubby little thing who can't run around the block! It's because she doesn't threaten him and she strokes his ego all day long because they're both broken down shells and need that sick kind of relationship.
He loved me as deeply as he could for many, many years and I always felt so lucky to have found him. In some ways I still feel that way, BUT there is a better match out there for me and this year he's going to find me....
MuscleGal, YUCK and very inappropriate. Your XH wants to be their "friend" instead of parent and that always backfires. You're doing a great job staying strong and setting your boundaries; keep it up! I teach 8th grade and I don't know of any "professional" who would say to bring the OW for "sleepovers" the very first night. That's just sick. Can you document all this with an attempt to reduce his visitation time?
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
I don't think a judge would take any action...having your SO sleepover is a pretty common thing, I think. I think it was totally inappropriate-- but it wouldn't qualify as abuse or neglect. There are lots of things about him that make him a good dad, too--its just frustrating to watch and to try and counteract his bad choices.
I feel so deflated the past few days. I'm trying really hard to work on forgiveness but can't get there. I'm working with a lady at church and she said you can't get to forgiveness until you get through the anger and grief. I'm just stuck in both of those things. Right now I can't believe I ever married this guy--I can't remember anything good about him or our marriage.
I am kind of at the same place musclegal. I have a hard time even looking at him when I do see him, he disgusts me. But that is all part of the process, I am told. I hope eventually I will be able to look at him and feel nothing.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
Lol - I find myself having trouble remembering why I married my ex too! Even though I know 90% of our long marriage was actually really good, I feel like all I can see now is the bad parts. I certainly don't miss him or long for him in ANY way!
